Originally Posted by Tall Average Guy
To me, this starts to get to close to other "traumas" to justify affairs. Men who have an affair because their wife is a shrew and has withheld sex and belittled them for years. Women who have an affair because their husband is a mentally abusive alcoholic who can't perform and has left them sexless.
The BS is certainly in enormous pain, but that does not give them permission to act in any way they see fit.
Some here are comparing apples to oranges.
Murdering someone in response to a murder is a crime.
Unfortunately, committing adultery, even financial adultery which could be and should be a form of theft by deception, is not a crime.
Of course one is not going to commit a crime in response to a crime. Who wants to go to jail for life for murdering a murderer. That's dumb and only punishes oneself.
Hence, perhaps if adultery in any form were a crime, the betrayed spouse would NOT be justified in a Revenge affair.
But since it is not, and the perpetrator does not get punished for adultery like a murderer does, the RA is the only form of closure a BS can get.
Divorce does not cause the same type of pain and does not deliver the same message.
I do agree that if the wife is a shrew, or the husband an abuser, divorce is the answer, not an affair.
Why would someone stay with a shrew or an abuser and choose to have an affair rather than a divorce. It says something about the person who has the affair rather than choosing to divorce.
As has been mentioned many times here, many cheaters gave no clue to their loyal spouse that they were unhappy. The blame comes later in a rewrite of marital history to justify the affair. The rewrite is usually fiction.
My Cheater husband does not want a divorce.
Yeah and I know why, too. I am gullible and gave him lots of freedom so he could pursue his cheating lifestyle. Also, I was a low maintenance wife, who was cautious with my spending. Yet, he spent plenty on the OW