Originally Posted by Tall Average Guy
I think this is a huge issue. I would even go so far as to say it is the primary reason for her attitude toward sex. I think IC for both of you, directed toward the abuse you each sufferred, is a must.
I think this is the 'root' of everything. The things that happen to us in our childhoods we carry with us throughout our lives ... they shape and mold us into the individuals that we are as adults. If we don't address the negative things that happened to us, then they can continue to influence us and our relationships, most often in a negative way, throughout our lives.
I think that both you and your wife need to be willing to work through these potentially very painful issues as individuals first so that you can learn how to manage them and reconnect with each other in a more positive way. Otherwise, you are connecting with each other through a veil of long-held, possibly pain-created and negative behaviours. The veil must be lifted and new positive behaviours must be learned.