Ganyemede

I'm in a real complicated mess and just need some advice from anyone that has been through similar.
Something is happening to me that I don't really understand.
Allow me to start from the beginning...
I've been raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. (please stop laughing)
Anyways, I was raised with some pretty strong convictions and morals that I have lived by all my life.
I had the chance to date 2 girls, before I met my wife. We both believed that sex before marriage was wrong, and so we courted for 1 year before I proposed to her. We got married in 2001 and things were good for the first year or two. Her and I are polar opposites in personality. I'm a passive, optemisitc, dreamer. She's the bold, skeptical, realist. We both complement each other nicely. I like her.
However, when year 2 came around...I found that she fulfilled my needs, but not my wants. If that makes any sense. She's great for me in a practical way, but I realized that she was my bestfriend, not the fire in my soul.
It's led to sexual problems, where I am not attracted to her on an emotional level, so I don't show the initiative in intimacy. She once said "stop kissing me like I'm your sister". She was right. I haven't been moved to show passion like I used to.
There were times that I had thoughts that I wanted something better for myself. I would always feel guilty of the thoughts of leaving her because God says divorce is wrong, except on the grounds of adultery, which naturally led to a bad conscience and depression. I would eventually get over it though.
This month we are celebrating our 7 year anniversary.
However, things have changed.
Over the past 6 months, for specific reasons, I've lost my desire to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't want it anymore. It's too much for me right now.
I've kept my feelings to myself, because I didn't want to hurt my wife.
This faith encompasses a person's life. Leaving it behind is like chopping off an arm.
Recently, I was diagnosed with ADHD. I don't have the hyperactivity, I have the kind that makes it hard to concentrate, but when I do concentrate, the world around me disappears. I don't hear people talking to me, I don't see anything else going on.
Well, I got on Adderal to combat my ADHD and it worked AMAZINGLY!
Suddenly, I can think! I want things for myself!
My wife went on a vacation to Ohio, and was gone for 1 week.
While she was gone, I did a LOT of thinking.
I suddenly realized that I couldn't lie to myself and others anymore. I don't want to be a Jehovah's Witness anymore.
When my wife got back, I finally had the courage to tell her.
She has a brief emotional meltdown. She cried, and screamed.
Our neighbors thought that I was beating her, so they called the cops.
They showed at my door at 10pm asking me what was going on.
That was interesting.
It's been 3 weeks, and things are going downhill quickly.
My wife is always telling me that it's the medication that's making me make this decision about my religion.
She spends a lot of time in denial about me not wanting it anymore. She blames it on depression, medication, stress...everything.
It's actually gottten irritating.
I understand the way she thinks...in her mind, my salvation is at stake. She wants the best for me.
So I can't be mad at her.
But at the sametime, I can't help but think that she'll be resentful to me for not being a Witness.
Then I began to think again...
We've always had our small problems...
I've always had a hard time keeping a romantic interest in her...
She wants to be loved.
I've been living like this for 5 years, and I'm at a crossroads.

She's a wonderful girl; she's smart, beautiful and loyal.
She's my best friend.
I would never want to hurt her. EVER. I want the best for the both of us.
But of course, here comes the complicated part: we have one 2 year old boy and we just found out she's pregnant.

So my conscience beats me because of the religion I left, the wife I'm not sure I love, the children that I love dearly, the things I will lose if I leave.

I wish I hated the woman, since it was make it easier to go. But I don't. I don't want anything bad for her. I actually want her to be happy with a person that fulfills her every need.

We've talked a lot, and she knows how I feel right now.
She knows that I'm confused and uncertain.
It hurts her with my constant flipflopping.

I feel like a creep...