| | Re: *****911******(please help me!!)
Porn gives you an unrealistic idea of what a threesome can be. In porn they aren't doing it for anyones pleasure, they do it for the camera. Noone is emotionally involved with anyone else in porn its all just business. Just look at the positions they use, they all twist about so the camera can get a good angle, not so anyone actually is stimulated by that position.
Here's my story about a threesome. I was 22 at a free concert downtown and I met a girl that gave me her number. We dated a few times and I kissed her on the third date. The next date was more sexual but we didn't have any kind of sex, just heavy kissing and rubbing. The following weekend she shows up with 2 friends at my door to invite me to go camping with them. We go out and get the tents up then go to sit down by the lake. I walk up behind my girl and kiss her neck and put my hands on her sides, she turns to kiss me full on the mouth and my hands come up to her breasts. She kisses me harder and I start to drop my hands down to her pants, only to discover her friends hands are already there. I suddenly dont care that its a girl that has her hands down my girlfriends pants, I was taking this relationship seriously, but that has just been seriously shaken. She asks me to keep my hands on her chest but after a few minutes I just walk away because I dont feel right about whats going on. She tells me she brought me along to decide which she likes better, guys or girls. She disappears with her friend for a while then returns and goes into our tent. She invites me to join her in her sleeping bag, saying she is cold but I have decided that this is not the girl for me and I spend the whole night sitting by myself. A few days later I find a "We are done" note in my door. The fantasy of the way it could have gone is a turn on, but the way it made me feel has kept me from ever wanting to try it again.
Sex is an emotional thing, it means something. In michigan we are required to go to a counseling class befor we got married and I remember the lady telling me spicifically "Marriage is not going to change your sex life, just because you are married doesn't mean your partner is going to be willing to do new things." I also remember a profound feeling of having to give up any hopes of fulfilling the crazy fantasies or being with old girlfriends or the chance to redo the night in the forest.
That feeling of missing out stayed with me for a long time and led me to almost push my wife into the arms of another man because I wanted her to feel the same sense of "You cant go there" that I was dealing with. Unfortunately she did not respond like I expected and ended up cheating on me.
Only then did I see that I hadn't given up anything but sand castles, temporary fantasies that didn't mean anything, but I had almost lost the one good and right thing that I had ever done with my life.
We both pulled back from the brink of divorce and renewed our commitment to each other and abandoned our curiosity about what was outside our marriage. In doing so we found a whole new level of being happy with each other.
I dont know what you could tell him to bring him to that kind of understsnding that fantasies are not what they are cracked up to be. With him holding back sex from you it would be pretty hard to give him al the sex he wants. Let him know that if he wants to masturbate that you would like to help, because I am sure he is doing that. Let him watch porn while you do the work for him, even if you dont like what he watches it will still get you into his fantasies. He is living in a fantasy world right now, and he needs to come out of it before his real world falls apart.