| | Re: Haven't Done It Yet
I'm under no illusions that this is going to be easy, or pain-free. Since we have a son between us, I will be connected to her through him for the rest of my life.
I've already been cut out of a lot of family gatherings, at least when her family is present. I'm not saying I'm looking forward to Christmas as a divorced dad, but I'm in a job that requires frequent travel (even on holidays), so I'm making my peace with that. And also, our holidays are already stress-filled and anything but joyous occasions. Her family did relent last Christmas and "permit" me to join them for a few hours. Nobody talked to me and I sat on the corner of the couch most of the day and was treated as if I had the plague. I've had Christmases stuck in an airplane in a snowdrift on a taxiway that were more fun (literally!).
I can't wrap my head around adultery only being an "out" in cases of unfaithfulness during the betrothal period. Adultery is an attack on the very fabric of the marital bond. God is not neutral on such things. It is evil, and God permits divorce in response to such evil.
But I also believe my wife's non-adulterous behavior is an attack on our very marital bond. Because at its core, marriage is about trust. When your wife stands in front of you and screams at you that she'll take your son and run away and hide someplace where you'll never find them just because you want to take him around the block on a bike ride, that's an attack on the very fabric of the trust that is marriage.
I could go on and on and on. I don't think in this direction lightly. It's taken me years to reach this point. Years of dealing with ups and downs, and irrational and unreasonable behavior. I even had the cops show up at my door in October over my wife's belief that I was bugging our home phones to spy on her.
I am so sorry you're struggling with your divorce. And I do value your insight. And if I'm off-base on anything I've said, I do hope you'll push back and challenge me. That's what I asked for!