Feisty53

We have been married 13+ years and have had a decent sex life. We are in our 50's, so I do understand the aging issues. My husband has always been very highly sexed, and that was a-ok with me. After several years of marriage however, every time I initiated, he couldnt perform. This happened at least 5 or 6 times in a row, and I just figured that it was off putting to him and I stopped initiating, and everything was fine, or so I thought. When he was 48 ( he is 56 now) he had a mild heart attack. The docs put him on meds and it has become increasingly difficult for him to get any kind of erection. 2 years ago, he suffered several small strokes, and at that time, he said he didn't want to be married anymore. His physical body is ok, post stroke but his brain took a big hit, and it has taken nearly three years to get to "I love you and really want our marriage to work". He quit counseling, quit any kind of therapy to get his emotional life back on track. In those three years, he has been verbally and emotionally abusive in the extreme. I have fought very hard for our relationship and I do want to stay with him, and I continue to hope that at least part of the man I married is buried in the anger somewhere and I can bring him back. In the last couple of months he has gone back to the loving and mostly considerate man I married, with one HUGE exception. He no longer has any interest in sex, what so ever. I have begged for him to get some help, be tested for low-T (it is in the low normal range). He has a serious ED problem now, and I have not wanted to put any guilt or pressure on him, so I let the matter drop until recently. We ad a frank and open discussion, told him that three years was a long time to go with out, and I still find him attractive.. blah blah blah. We scheduled a time, and when I went into the bedroom, he was laying there as if he were going to his own execution. it upset me and I said nevermind. A huge fight ensued, and he accused me of never initiating or asking. In the past three years I have not initiated, but have asked, at least 5 times, and always got a no. To make a rather embarrassing and long story short, we tried, but it didnt happen. He is on a lot of meds that I know he has to take, and the docs do not want him on any of the viagara type drugs, nor the T- creams. All this means is that I am doomed to a sexless marriage for as long as I stay, and I am slowly going insane. It is not only the physical release, but the emotional bonding. I feel farther an farther away from my husband and although I love him with all my heart, and have endured alot from him that he wasn't entirely responsible for, I am lonely, sexually frustrated and don't know how to to deal with this. Any thoughts? I probably should add that a co-worker has expressed a serious interest in me, and I am attracted to him as well. I will not cheat, but it brings up sexual urges I have tried very hard to surpress. I want to have sex with my husband, not someone else.