 Re: Help me save our marriage!
Wow, troubled, your post sounded so much like my first husband was (only worse!) Mine wasn't quite as bad, but he wouldn't watch the kids, tried to make me go to the store myself for pads my third day home, and grabbed my daughter's face and pushed her down in her crib while screaming "What the F*** is wrong with you" at her.
I left him, not then but eventually, because disrespectful behavior just gets worse and worse over time.
What I'd encourage you to do is start stashing some money - as much as you can without being caught out - so that you can have a way to get out when you decide it's time. Also, try to find a safe place to go if you ever need to. If you start learning to take better care of yourself, his behavior can escalate to worse physical abuse. A friend or family member's house would be ok, but if you're no longer around family then see if you have some domestic shelters in your area.
I know you hope it won't come to that, and I do too, but do these things as a "just in case."
Meanwhile, can you get yourself to a self-help group like Al-Anon or CoDA? They're free, can be found everywhere, and will help you learn how to set boundaries that can protect you and your child from this kind of emotional pain.
Individual counseling would be helpful, too, if you can get some. As others have said, you are not his ragdoll. It doesn't matter what people in the store see when he treats you badly. Their observations don't help you a bit. What *will* help you is learning how to be okay in your skin - to believe in yourself, uphold your rights as a human being, and to love yourself enough not to let people hurt you this way.
The strain of moving may be hard on both of you, but he has no right to behave that way, and you have no obligation to take it. Whenever he does, please remind yourself that you are making a choice to be there and go through it, and that you also have the freedom to make other choices.
| 