unbelievable

Ideally, both partners would do nice things for each other without expecting a return. This assumes both partners are basically decent human beings, capable of feeling empathy. You can't shop enough or bake enough brownies to turn a zombie into a human being. There is a certain element of power on both sides of any marriage but power can't be trusted to people with weak characters. They'll always use it for exploitation. I also don't buy the bit about birth control making otherwise intelligent human beings not realize their partner's needs. Your partner approaches you for affection. That's the way you "realize" there's a need, regardless of what your homones allow you to feel or not. If your infant was screaming and crying would it not dawn on you to feed the kid unless you happened to feel hungry, too?