Originally Posted by thrway214
My problem is quite different from many posted here, but I am sure I will get some good advice.
W and I make plenty of money. She makes $300K, I make about $140k. We have very manageable debt and save quite a bit. This doesn't, however, mean everything in the thrway214 household.
I grew up in a very thrifty family in the third-world. Every penny was carefully thought through before it got spent. So, I have very conservative values when it comes to money. I have a hard time spending spontaneously, and will do a good bit of research before I jump.
Wife, while fairly thrifty too, tends to spend more freely. She enjoys the occasional spree. Never out of control or unreasonable, but a lot freer than I am. She says she enjoys the occasional indulgence for a gift.
I just can't seem to get myself to spend more freely. It has become quite a problem between us. She says I am controlling because of this. When we got married, we agreed to discuss all expenses over $500. This worked fine for a while, but she has become very resentful of the arrangement. Last year, I relented and asked that she only inform me of anything more than $1000 - so I can plan for cash flow.
Perhaps also relevant, we are also dealing with R after her short but devastating EA. This process is what forced us to put all issues on the table and discuss them openly. I am carefully navigating the balancing act of standing up for myself, establishing rules of the road, and being a more sensitive, caring and emotionally supportive husband.
Do you guys have any advice to this penny-pincher on how to relax a bit, and be a little more generous with his wife? What mental tricks do you have for me?
I think alot of couples struggle with this. Your description of yourself describes my wife. I tend to be more spontaneous.
She used to be worse and very controlling about it.
I think after of a ton of arguments and heart-to-heart talks, she's finally began to trust me that I'm not going to spend the family into oblivion, and that I'm not some happy-go-lucky fool.
A great marriage relies on communication and two people making each other's needs a priority.
You have to decide what is more important, your budget or your wife's happiness? And she has to decide if her need to splurge/indulge is more important than your need for that financial security. Find that balance together
. Hopefully, your wife has enough $ense to understand when/how to find a deal, and you can trust her as well in that aspect of your marriage.
There's no magic word I can or anyone can tell you to shut of that urge to manage every penny. We can only remind you of that other urge to want to please your wife.