Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Timber · 05-29-2012, 10:07 PM

Ok so I'm going to start this out by saying that I'm haven't been a very good husband in the past. For most of our marriage I've been more happy "being with myself" than having a sexual relationship with my wife. We'd go month with no sex and I think at one point even more than a year. I'm not an emotionally intimate person and over time she hasn't really been one either.

Now over the past several years we have had problems mostly stemming from her anger over me losing my job and not being able to get a new job. She had to pick up a second job at night (important part of the story) and was putting in some serious hours trying to keep us afloat. I finally got a job but it's working with her at her day job. I'm making good money but I think it's hard on her having to see me every day.

We've been married for going on 9 years and have been together for 19 year.

Now onto my story. She has always been pretty much an open book, I've always known her passwords but never had reason to check any of her stuff. A few months ago I started noticing that she'd always be on Facebook, when I'd use her iPad she'd make sure to log out which I thought was odd because I never log out of FB. Then I would notice her texting this guy for long periods at a time right in front of me. As it turns out the guy she was texting she worked with at her night job. Whenever she would talk to me about her night job she wouldn't mention his name but would mention other people's names which would again me suspicious. So on nights she wasn't working she would fall asleep on the couch and wouldn't come to bed around 2am and still be messing around on her phone in bed. I'm starting to get angry but I never say anything about it to avoid the confrontation.

I finally start trying to log into her Facebook account but it's not a password she usually uses. I figure out the password and I see messages between her and this guy with her saying what she would like to do with him, words she's never used with me in our 19 years together. I get furious and confront her about it that night but I don't tell her what I found and she never admits anything but turns things around on me saying that I've known we've been having problems for a long time. I let it go and do what I probably shouldn't do and try to make things better between us. I'm made a concerted effort not to "be with myself" and improve our sexual relationship. In the back of my mind I still think something is going on so after a few weeks go by I confront her again only this time I tell her what I saw. She says it was just a fantasy but won't say anything else, she says she hasn't slept with anyone else.

So again I let it go but still every time her phone goes off I'm wondering what's going on, whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and see her on her phone I'm wondering what's going on.

I don't know what to do. Other than the thoughts constantly in my head things haven't been this good sexually with us in years. But how much do should I bite my tongue?

Sorry for the long rambling post, just needed to get this off of my chest.

05-29-2012, 10:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
Timber Registered User Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 11	Is she cheating? Ok so I'm going to start this out by saying that I'm haven't been a very good husband in the past. For most of our marriage I've been more happy "being with myself" than having a sexual relationship with my wife. We'd go month with no sex and I think at one point even more than a year. I'm not an emotionally intimate person and over time she hasn't really been one either. Now over the past several years we have had problems mostly stemming from her anger over me losing my job and not being able to get a new job. She had to pick up a second job at night (important part of the story) and was putting in some serious hours trying to keep us afloat. I finally got a job but it's working with her at her day job. I'm making good money but I think it's hard on her having to see me every day. We've been married for going on 9 years and have been together for 19 year. Now onto my story. She has always been pretty much an open book, I've always known her passwords but never had reason to check any of her stuff. A few months ago I started noticing that she'd always be on Facebook, when I'd use her iPad she'd make sure to log out which I thought was odd because I never log out of FB. Then I would notice her texting this guy for long periods at a time right in front of me. As it turns out the guy she was texting she worked with at her night job. Whenever she would talk to me about her night job she wouldn't mention his name but would mention other people's names which would again me suspicious. So on nights she wasn't working she would fall asleep on the couch and wouldn't come to bed around 2am and still be messing around on her phone in bed. I'm starting to get angry but I never say anything about it to avoid the confrontation. I finally start trying to log into her Facebook account but it's not a password she usually uses. I figure out the password and I see messages between her and this guy with her saying what she would like to do with him, words she's never used with me in our 19 years together. I get furious and confront her about it that night but I don't tell her what I found and she never admits anything but turns things around on me saying that I've known we've been having problems for a long time. I let it go and do what I probably shouldn't do and try to make things better between us. I'm made a concerted effort not to "be with myself" and improve our sexual relationship. In the back of my mind I still think something is going on so after a few weeks go by I confront her again only this time I tell her what I saw. She says it was just a fantasy but won't say anything else, she says she hasn't slept with anyone else. So again I let it go but still every time her phone goes off I'm wondering what's going on, whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and see her on her phone I'm wondering what's going on. I don't know what to do. Other than the thoughts constantly in my head things haven't been this good sexually with us in years. But how much do should I bite my tongue? Sorry for the long rambling post, just needed to get this off of my chest.