| | Re: I can't lie here beside you, because you steal my soul when you are near.
One of our biggest problems is because it's been a few months since Dday- he is past the point of wanting to talk about it, so if something triggers me ( like his far away thoughts) and I want to ask a question, he shuts me down and says, "we are moving forward, I don't want to dwell on that stuff from the past" to which I reply, "quit trying to control my recovery"..... he doesn't want to feel the pain, miss the addiction of her or the game or maybe he's hiding from the shame/guilt...... I don't know because he won't share some parts.
He told me once that he does think of her from time to time but doesn't want to share that with me because he doesn't want me to think he doesn't want to repair the marriage.
I think the more important issue is _what_ can I live with? Picking up the pieces of my fractured heart and trying to understand what I can live with. Each day is a struggle and I don't know if I would have peace if he were here or gone.
There is a deep loneliness/injury within me after this..I'm not sure a repaired marriage can fill that??????
I'm looking for others to share with me how they are working through those moments when you feel *their* commitment to you is being divided by the linger thoughts of the AP