| | Re: i am so alone
If you are in the United States, there are safe houses in pretty much every county and major city. They will take you and your children in. They are hidden so that abusers cannot find you. They will give you all kinds of advice you need, legal, medical, etc. and will give you clothes and other things if you need them.
Look them up in the phone book and call.
You are afraid to "ruin" him, but what he's going to do next time is crack your skull and either give you brain damage or kill you. Who will care for the children if that happens?
What is it that you are afraid of, if he is ruined--is it that he will lose his job/career; that he will go to jail; or that he will seek revenge? Or all of these, or something else?