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tigergirl · 06-01-2012, 08:23 PM

Hey everyone. I'm new here so please bear with me. I am having a hard time dealing with an issue. Some background is probably necessary. My DH and I have been married almost 2 years. We’ve both been married before. He has 2 girls with one EX and 1 girl with the other. The issue is with the EX he has the 2 girls with. His oldest daughter with her was killed in a car accident 1 year ago. She was 23. Their youngest is now 19. I was never blessed with children. They’ve been divorced for 16 years. During that time she remarried, got a divorce, moved in with her GF, and has recently broken up with GF. That’s when all the trouble started.

I always got along with EX until last summer when there was a big blow-up between them about a car for the 19 y/o. It was a real mess. Words were exchanged by all parties. Nobody spoke to each other for a few months. The 19 y/o was mad at DH as well. Sometimes, when DH would get real down over his daughter’s death, they would talk/text about her, especially if he had been drinking some. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child. It has been awful. I loved that sweet girl, and I’ve done my best to be there for him and to comfort him. When the anniversary of her death got close, their communication picked up.

The EX broke up with the GF & moved out. (BTW, she hasn’t worked since he & I have been together.) She started calling and texting DH ALL the time. He says she’s talking about her ex-GF. There have been several high drama incidents between her and her ex-GF. And she’s put the 19 y/o in the middle of those. She’s telling DH that the ex-GF is threatening to beat up the 19 y/o, etc. I think she just wants him mad at her ex-GF. The calling and texting has gone WAY overboard. He deletes her calls and texts from his phone. He says to keep me & him from getting in an argument. SO, I’ve done something that I shouldn’t have. I looked up his phone records. They are texting 25-30 times a day & talking all the time.

We’ve had many fights about this. I ask him what it is about. He says there is nothing going on, he loves me, and plans to be with me forever. He says she’s having a hard time with their daughter’s death & the other things going on in her messed up life. I can sorta/kinda understand that a little bit. Still bothers me though. BUT she also calls about trivial things that don’t concern H. Like how her son (her 2nd husband’s child) is getting on her mother’s nerves. DH is a truck driver & he’s gone all week. That’s when all the texting/talking goes on. There’s not much on the weekend when he is home with me (that I know of). She did call one day & I heard her ask him if I was there. I yelled in his direction, Yes I am. Childish, I know, but heat of the moment and all. They hung up right away, but he was mad at me.

Last Monday night he was home. I was talking to his aunt on his phone because he was going to bed & didn’t want to talk to her. During that conversation, he received a text from the EX. Naturally, I opened it. It was a picture of her, just her sitting there grinning. I thought my head would explode. I texted back a few choice words to her & she realized it was me. I woke him up & told him about it and how I felt about it. He said she has sent him pictures of herself before, pictures of her tattoos. I lost it completely. I got on my phone then & texted her exactly what I thought about her. He says she’s just doing it to aggravate me. She told him the next day that I was ugly and mean to her.

Am I wrong to be mad? I don’t think any of it is very appropriate. I mean, what does being upset about your deceased child have to do with sending your ex-husband pictures of yourself? He won’t talk about it. He won’t stop it. He says it’s nothing & he doesn’t want her. He tells me to just “forget that stuff”. I guess he wants me to learn to like it? I don’t know what to do. He has to be the one to fix this. I don’t want to fight about this for the rest of my life, but I can’t ever see myself accepting it either. I don’t know how to make him understand how hurtful this is to me. I feel like he is putting her before me. And I also feel bad about being mad about it. Am I just being mean to a woman who has lost her daughter? Am I wrong? Please help. I’m sorry this is so long. Thank you to anyone who made it through to the end.

06-01-2012, 08:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
tigergirl Registered User Join Date: May 2012 Location: Alabama Posts: 13	Is this wrong? Or am I wrong? Hey everyone. I'm new here so please bear with me. I am having a hard time dealing with an issue. Some background is probably necessary. My DH and I have been married almost 2 years. We’ve both been married before. He has 2 girls with one EX and 1 girl with the other. The issue is with the EX he has the 2 girls with. His oldest daughter with her was killed in a car accident 1 year ago. She was 23. Their youngest is now 19. I was never blessed with children. They’ve been divorced for 16 years. During that time she remarried, got a divorce, moved in with her GF, and has recently broken up with GF. That’s when all the trouble started. I always got along with EX until last summer when there was a big blow-up between them about a car for the 19 y/o. It was a real mess. Words were exchanged by all parties. Nobody spoke to each other for a few months. The 19 y/o was mad at DH as well. Sometimes, when DH would get real down over his daughter’s death, they would talk/text about her, especially if he had been drinking some. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child. It has been awful. I loved that sweet girl, and I’ve done my best to be there for him and to comfort him. When the anniversary of her death got close, their communication picked up. The EX broke up with the GF & moved out. (BTW, she hasn’t worked since he & I have been together.) She started calling and texting DH ALL the time. He says she’s talking about her ex-GF. There have been several high drama incidents between her and her ex-GF. And she’s put the 19 y/o in the middle of those. She’s telling DH that the ex-GF is threatening to beat up the 19 y/o, etc. I think she just wants him mad at her ex-GF. The calling and texting has gone WAY overboard. He deletes her calls and texts from his phone. He says to keep me & him from getting in an argument. SO, I’ve done something that I shouldn’t have. I looked up his phone records. They are texting 25-30 times a day & talking all the time. We’ve had many fights about this. I ask him what it is about. He says there is nothing going on, he loves me, and plans to be with me forever. He says she’s having a hard time with their daughter’s death & the other things going on in her messed up life. I can sorta/kinda understand that a little bit. Still bothers me though. BUT she also calls about trivial things that don’t concern H. Like how her son (her 2nd husband’s child) is getting on her mother’s nerves. DH is a truck driver & he’s gone all week. That’s when all the texting/talking goes on. There’s not much on the weekend when he is home with me (that I know of). She did call one day & I heard her ask him if I was there. I yelled in his direction, Yes I am. Childish, I know, but heat of the moment and all. They hung up right away, but he was mad at me. Last Monday night he was home. I was talking to his aunt on his phone because he was going to bed & didn’t want to talk to her. During that conversation, he received a text from the EX. Naturally, I opened it. It was a picture of her, just her sitting there grinning. I thought my head would explode. I texted back a few choice words to her & she realized it was me. I woke him up & told him about it and how I felt about it. He said she has sent him pictures of herself before, pictures of her tattoos. I lost it completely. I got on my phone then & texted her exactly what I thought about her. He says she’s just doing it to aggravate me. She told him the next day that I was ugly and mean to her. Am I wrong to be mad? I don’t think any of it is very appropriate. I mean, what does being upset about your deceased child have to do with sending your ex-husband pictures of yourself? He won’t talk about it. He won’t stop it. He says it’s nothing & he doesn’t want her. He tells me to just “forget that stuff”. I guess he wants me to learn to like it? I don’t know what to do. He has to be the one to fix this. I don’t want to fight about this for the rest of my life, but I can’t ever see myself accepting it either. I don’t know how to make him understand how hurtful this is to me. I feel like he is putting her before me. And I also feel bad about being mad about it. Am I just being mean to a woman who has lost her daughter? Am I wrong? Please help. I’m sorry this is so long. Thank you to anyone who made it through to the end.