Originally Posted by ninjatastic
They continued to talk on the phone and both admitted that they had feelings for each other. My wife told him that she was married and could not act on it. He said that he would cheat on his wife with my wife but she would have to make the first move.
Your wife should not stay at that job or maintain a friendship with another man (OM) now that she has expressed her feelings to him, and now that he has told her that he is open to sleeping with her if she makes the first move. I find it interesting that your wife was thinking about quitting her job and was willing to be unfriendly with the OM when she though that the OM was cheating with another coworker, but does not want to give up the job or the friendship with the OM for you (and her marriage) now that the OM has assured her that he has not been cheating. Her loyalties are out of alignment. Her relationship with the OM is way over the line.
You must put your foot down now and take whatever anger goes your way over this. If it continues you may not be able to stop it later and you would rue the day that you did not take action when you still could. The downside of taking action now pales by comparison of what could happen if you let it continue. And remember it is not your fault that she needs to change jobs and end the friendship. It is 100% on her. Do not let her try to make you feel otherwise. She is in an EA fog that has made her lose her moral compass. Do not let her be your guide as to what is the right thing to do.