Quote:
Originally Posted by Chopblock
I don't know if I've ever asked this question explicitly and directly so here goes:
Women: when you withhold sex from your man (for whatever reason), and the complain that he gets more and more needy, do you really honestly think that making him wait longer is going to make him want sex less?
I can understand that there are frustrations in place for why you don't want to have sex with him. But as days become weeks and months, he is just going to get more and more demanding and frustrated!
What I really don't understand is why you'll go so long without actually COMMUNICATING with him. Its one thing to withhold because you are upset, but to give him absolutely no clue WHY you are upset (hence, no opportunity to fix it) just makes him even madder! Now he feels deprived, unloved, undesired, and totally in the dark.
The way I see it, every day you don't have sex is a day you did things "your way". Wouldn't it be fair to at least throw him a bone and do things HIS way once in a while?
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Dear Chopblock,
You are asking the wrong questions of the wrong people.
Do you ask HER these questions?
Are you really prepared for the answers you recieve or are you waiting to hear what you want to hear?
I have a marriage where my husband has no finesse (or did not - its been so long I really dont know now). He was abrupt and when I made suggestions of how to approach me he took every thing I said as NO. I wonder what dynamic is at play in your relationship?
Several months ago I had an interesting discussion with the hubby. Not about sex but the conversation was eye opening to every concievable communication error in our marriage.
He admitted that when I said I needed "help" he assumed I ment that he should do it all. What I really ment was "help".
Since he was imposing all kinds of motive on my comments we could never have a conversation that did not erupt in anger.
So there you have it - the only thing you can do is listen to what she says and observe what she does without trying to second guess her. If she says she does not want sex and you ask why and she says she does not know - she does not know and you cant fix that. You can be supportive. You can suggest she sees a doctor for a physical and you can decide if you can live with the situation.
The point I am making is you cant figure out people. You can only take what they have to offer in the moment and on the face of it. Minute by minute and day by day.
Do you romance her? Or do you just insist that she should have sex with you because you are married?
Do you aks her how she likes to be touch or do you assume she should like to be touched in what ever way you touch her because it is all sex?
Do you pout when you dont get it? Demand that she tells you that you are loved and wanted? Just what do YOU do to make her feel comfortable with sex?
I can tell you that nothing is a bigger libido killer than a selfish guy. I hope you are not he.