Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedandtorn
I never intended on having an affair, but it just happened.
|
Hold it. You may have not set out to deliberately and systematically have an affair but you did choose to violate marital boundaries such as confiding your marital issues with another man. Hiding from your husband the fact that you were developing strong feelings of attraction towards "Bob". Lying and deceiving your husband about who you were talking to and about your whereabouts. So please don't say "it just happened".
Quote:
|
I found out that my spouse looked through my stuff because he had suspicions about me being with someone else. I told Bob and he is now standoffish towards me. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me but thinks we just need to be friends for now. Our feelings are so strong for each other and I am so confused.
|
"Bob"'s behavior is a huge red flag. I hate to break it you but his behavior says that he wants to keep things the way they are while you are fantasizing about building a future with him. Sorry but his feelings may not be as strong as yours and may just be localized to a certain part of his anatomy.
Quote:
|
I am afraid of losing Bob because of the happiness he gives me. I know I have to take care of my family, but I also want happiness which is very selfish. If I didn't have children I would leave. This is where I'm torn. I am having a hard time emotionally because I'm afraid of losing this feeling of being loved and cared about in a way I have never felt. I just don't know what to do!!
|
Happiness comes from within not from another person or thing, otherwise it is nothing more than a self-destructive addiction. And stop using your kids to justify your affair for the divorce laws reward women like you with custody and alimony while punishing betrayed husbands like yours.
Lastly, keep this in mind: What "Bob" does with you, he can do to you. You might want to do some investigative work on your "Bob" for it wouldn't surprise me if you weren't the only woman he's romantically/emotionally with. Wouldn't that be a shocker?
I'm sorry for my harshness but it is nothing compared with the devastation your affair has caused and the lives it has destroyed.