Thank you both very much for responding. Blanca, your comments about boundaries are very interesting. I do come from a dysfunctional upbringing and it has been my goal for many years not to let that hinder my personal success. I have not spent much time researching psychology of people in my position because I have always focused more on technical knowledge (for my profession) that will bring me financial independence. This was often motivated by fear and the desire to prevent anyone from having the power to make me feel as helpless as my parents did. I Find the statement from the website you sent "When parents disrespect a child's boundaries, the child's sense of self—his or her autonomy, self-respect, feelings of effectiveness and of making a difference—are compromised. " to be particularly enlightening because I regularly question my self-worth in social situations and I suppose this is extending to my marriage. I also appreciate your thoughts on the variable levels of effectiveness counseling can have. I am looking for solutions and so will keep it in mind to find someone who can help me develop problem-solving skills as you say, rather than just seeking someone to air my gripes to.
Thank you Mavash for your thoughts about co-dependence. It never occurred to me to think of my husband as having a possible victim-type personality. I will read more on this to try and understand. I am extremely lost at the moment because we are currently in one of our rough patches. This one started on Tuesday (today is Sunday) because I made a comment about his lack of acknowledgement of our relationship in an email. He does this type of thing regularly, never with malice intended. It hurts me though because it makes me feel as though I am on the periphery of his life and not important to deserve mention. I try to explain this to him but he calls it petty and refuses to validate my feelings. He says he treats me with respect, is faithful, includes me in things etc (which he does) and therefore i have no right to feel this way. After a few days of silence we had a discussion on Friday in which he stated that he was fed up with my criticism and nagging, and was done with the marriage and we should think to start parting ways. I said to him that I love him and want to work things out. Towards the end of the discussion he said he will not give an answer about whether we will separate or not at that time. He asked for space for a while to think, which I am giving him. This is difficult to do under the same roof, as you might imagine, but I have been leaving him alone. This time has been very similar to our "silence" periods and it is hurting me so much. I am feeling so helpless and unloved. I have been spending time with friends alone, and constantly breaking down crying. I am not sure what to do with myself, both now or when/if he comes around. I am afraid that when we do speak about it again the hurt that I have been feeling over the past few days will take over. I am also afraid that if I tell him this when we speak, he will angrily dismiss my feelings.
Do you have any advice for me in the here and now?
Thank you so much for reading
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