Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

pigpen · 05-07-2008, 05:02 AM

GAsoccermom,
I work full time. I just don't earn enough to pay for everything on my own.

You know what really bugs me is that if I dont think about the problems we get along OK. Turn a blind eye to the dirt, accept that there is no sex and that the house is falling apart and the day to day is OK.

I finally realized that he is the master of telling me what I want to hear and does just enough to make me think he is sincere. After a while though the excusess pile up in excess. By that time I am sincerely tired of arguing and so give up. Which is exactly his plan. If he can mollify me a bit that is all he needs. Right now I pay most of the bills, take care of our son on weekends (and after work too) so he can work. I cook and do the shopping. I also do the cleaning and some of the laundry. To be fair, he does the laundry too and helps our son with math homework (my son responds better to his dad than me with math.) Also he does cook dinner a day or two a week.

We have just started round 19 of the same old stuff. I told him I can not live like this any more (the dirt and junk) and when I came home from work he was cleaning the bedroom. But as soon as I walked in the door I became an excuse to stop cleaning and have some dinner.

It all feels so overwhelming. To top it off I really do not get a lot of support from my family. When I have come to this point before they start behaving as though I am a home wrecker with the sole purpose of damaging my son and husband. I become the bad guy. When I point out the problems we have in our marriage and the lack of support I have in it - I get treated like I am lying.

I have also tried talking to his parents. Letting them know we have some problems and asking them if they can help me figure out how to get him to go to couseling etc. Their response was "what did you do to him'?

Why is it, when there is trouble, the person actively trying to fix the problems is the bad guy?

I am not sure I can do this without some sort of support from my family. Do dont have any friends.

Also, because my husband is good with our son, I don't know what a divorce would do to my son. The last thing I want to do is hurt him and make his life miserable. He struggles a bit anyway. I don't know how I can say - oh and I dont love your father any more so I am divorcing him.

Also, and this is a very real thing, in my state (I believe) it is normal for there to be a home welfare visit from child services when there is a divorce. Right now, I would be afraid they would take my son away because of sub standard living conditions. (oh it really isnt all that bad) but its bad enough I dont have friends over. I feel so embarrassed. There is just way too much for me to do alone in the time I have every day. It gets undone faster than I can make headway.

Soot - its late and I have to go to work.

05-07-2008, 05:02 AM	#9 (permalink)
pigpen Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 32	Re: multiple problems GAsoccermom, I work full time. I just don't earn enough to pay for everything on my own. You know what really bugs me is that if I dont think about the problems we get along OK. Turn a blind eye to the dirt, accept that there is no sex and that the house is falling apart and the day to day is OK. I finally realized that he is the master of telling me what I want to hear and does just enough to make me think he is sincere. After a while though the excusess pile up in excess. By that time I am sincerely tired of arguing and so give up. Which is exactly his plan. If he can mollify me a bit that is all he needs. Right now I pay most of the bills, take care of our son on weekends (and after work too) so he can work. I cook and do the shopping. I also do the cleaning and some of the laundry. To be fair, he does the laundry too and helps our son with math homework (my son responds better to his dad than me with math.) Also he does cook dinner a day or two a week. We have just started round 19 of the same old stuff. I told him I can not live like this any more (the dirt and junk) and when I came home from work he was cleaning the bedroom. But as soon as I walked in the door I became an excuse to stop cleaning and have some dinner. It all feels so overwhelming. To top it off I really do not get a lot of support from my family. When I have come to this point before they start behaving as though I am a home wrecker with the sole purpose of damaging my son and husband. I become the bad guy. When I point out the problems we have in our marriage and the lack of support I have in it - I get treated like I am lying. I have also tried talking to his parents. Letting them know we have some problems and asking them if they can help me figure out how to get him to go to couseling etc. Their response was "what did you do to him'? Why is it, when there is trouble, the person actively trying to fix the problems is the bad guy? I am not sure I can do this without some sort of support from my family. Do dont have any friends. Also, because my husband is good with our son, I don't know what a divorce would do to my son. The last thing I want to do is hurt him and make his life miserable. He struggles a bit anyway. I don't know how I can say - oh and I dont love your father any more so I am divorcing him. Also, and this is a very real thing, in my state (I believe) it is normal for there to be a home welfare visit from child services when there is a divorce. Right now, I would be afraid they would take my son away because of sub standard living conditions. (oh it really isnt all that bad) but its bad enough I dont have friends over. I feel so embarrassed. There is just way too much for me to do alone in the time I have every day. It gets undone faster than I can make headway. Soot - its late and I have to go to work.