Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Chopblock · 05-07-2008, 07:33 AM

***Why is it, when there is trouble, the person actively trying to fix the problems is the bad guy?

I submit the possibility that the others may not "believe" there is trouble, and they interpret your "fixing" as creating said trouble. I'm not siding against you, just exploring a different POV.

***(oh it really isnt all that bad)

This is why I asked about exaggeration. You are backpaddling. Clearly, it is bad enough for you, and that means something. By itself, a messy man is not the end of the world. But a messy man who is also selfish, manipulative, and rules through fear... now THAT is significant.

***That is why I am so scared...I am not sure it is worth it.

Kind of a "die on your feet or live on your knees" type of situation. You paint him as a puppet master who seems to have you right where he wants you. He can do the bare minimum, make the grand gesture, deal with your yappin' and life goes on. Some might say that if this is true, then he has life figured out quite well.

I say this, because he has you believing it, and I can see your gut instincts are starting to clue you in.

I will say this: with divorce, you have to want it and go for it. Its not a word you throw around like dropping names, hoping it will shock things back to normal.

I am very sorry to hear you don't have a support network in place, as that is a major stumbling point. Isn't there anyone you can get on "your side"? Thats why I suggested shelters and counselors who will take a neutral stance.

Like I said though: you told us your choice of the options was to leave. Keep that in mind and explore "how" instead of just saying you "can't". Yes it will be brutally uncomfortable for a while, living like a peasant or homeless or in shelters with your possessions in a bag. You would be doing it with the goal of being in a better place a few months or years from now.

You also keep mentioning your son and his well being. What does it do for him to see Mommy being controlled by Daddy? What might he learn from Mommy standing up and saying "no more"?

05-07-2008, 07:33 AM	#11 (permalink)
Chopblock Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 173	Re: multiple problems *Why is it, when there is trouble, the person actively trying to fix the problems is the bad guy? I submit the possibility that the others may not "believe" there is trouble, and they interpret your "fixing" as creating said trouble. I'm not siding against you, just exploring a different POV. (oh it really isnt all that bad) This is why I asked about exaggeration. You are backpaddling. Clearly, it is bad enough for you, and that means something. By itself, a messy man is not the end of the world. But a messy man who is also selfish, manipulative, and rules through fear... now THAT is significant. **That is why I am so scared...I am not sure it is worth it. Kind of a "die on your feet or live on your knees" type of situation. You paint him as a puppet master who seems to have you right where he wants you. He can do the bare minimum, make the grand gesture, deal with your yappin' and life goes on. Some might say that if this is true, then he has life figured out quite well. I say this, because he has you believing it, and I can see your gut instincts are starting to clue you in. I will say this: with divorce, you have to want it and go for it. Its not a word you throw around like dropping names, hoping it will shock things back to normal. I am very sorry to hear you don't have a support network in place, as that is a major stumbling point. Isn't there anyone you can get on "your side"? Thats why I suggested shelters and counselors who will take a neutral stance. Like I said though: you told us your choice of the options was to leave. Keep that in mind and explore "how" instead of just saying you "can't". Yes it will be brutally uncomfortable for a while, living like a peasant or homeless or in shelters with your possessions in a bag. You would be doing it with the goal of being in a better place a few months or years from now. You also keep mentioning your son and his well being. What does it do for him to see Mommy being controlled by Daddy? What might he learn from Mommy standing up and saying "no more"?