Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

frustratedinphx · 05-08-2008, 02:42 AM

I feel for you and have been in your shoes myself. My husband is the spoiled child of a mother who stayed at home thinking it was her duty to dote on her husband and children- something she admits to herself and adamantly defends. I on the other hand came from a family where both parents worked and everyone had to contribute or face consequences.

A long time ago, a newly married friend said she'd heard that one of the easiest ways to make a marriage work (or at least eliminate fighting over chores) was to get some help. If you can afford to hire someone to help clean even every 2-3 weeks, it can save the time and aggravation of fighting over who does what. Sure, it doesn't eliminate the day to day stuff like dishes, laundry and many of the other mundane tasks, but if it frees you up at least a little so that you aren't tired, feeling unappreciated and fighting, it may well be worth the money. It's made a difference at our house when we could afford it.

I quit doing my husband's laundry after he told me multiple times he didn't like the way I did it. In fact, he told me to stop because he didn't like my "rules". The other day, he actually complained to me that he had nothing to wear because I don't do his laundry. I politely reminded him that it was by HIS choice that I stop doing it.

I also do the minimum when it comes to our dog, who is sweet but an overfed, spoiled brat who is larger than me! I REFUSE to pick up poops or go with him to the vet anymore. Since the dog is his baby, it's his job to take care of him. I only tend to 2-legged children at our house.

I personally think that spouses will get away with whatever they can if they think their other one will do it and not have a problem with it. I do think that going "on strike" will help. Going this route will be a little hard on you if you like things tidy- stick to doing the things that you need to keep yourself sane. Let her wonder why the house isn't as tidy and why you've stopped doing X and Y. When it starts to bug her, maybe she'll pick up too. I personally get a little laugh out of watching my husband go on rants when he feels the house is a mess and that he is the "only one picks up"- complete BS. Hopefully eventually she'll get the picture and if she doesn't realize that you aren't going to be the maid, she'll have to sacrifice so you can get one, help out, or do without you altogether. Good luck!

05-08-2008, 02:42 AM	#20 (permalink)
frustratedinphx Registered User Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 17	Re: Tired of everything I feel for you and have been in your shoes myself. My husband is the spoiled child of a mother who stayed at home thinking it was her duty to dote on her husband and children- something she admits to herself and adamantly defends. I on the other hand came from a family where both parents worked and everyone had to contribute or face consequences. A long time ago, a newly married friend said she'd heard that one of the easiest ways to make a marriage work (or at least eliminate fighting over chores) was to get some help. If you can afford to hire someone to help clean even every 2-3 weeks, it can save the time and aggravation of fighting over who does what. Sure, it doesn't eliminate the day to day stuff like dishes, laundry and many of the other mundane tasks, but if it frees you up at least a little so that you aren't tired, feeling unappreciated and fighting, it may well be worth the money. It's made a difference at our house when we could afford it. I quit doing my husband's laundry after he told me multiple times he didn't like the way I did it. In fact, he told me to stop because he didn't like my "rules". The other day, he actually complained to me that he had nothing to wear because I don't do his laundry. I politely reminded him that it was by HIS choice that I stop doing it. I also do the minimum when it comes to our dog, who is sweet but an overfed, spoiled brat who is larger than me! I REFUSE to pick up poops or go with him to the vet anymore. Since the dog is his baby, it's his job to take care of him. I only tend to 2-legged children at our house. I personally think that spouses will get away with whatever they can if they think their other one will do it and not have a problem with it. I do think that going "on strike" will help. Going this route will be a little hard on you if you like things tidy- stick to doing the things that you need to keep yourself sane. Let her wonder why the house isn't as tidy and why you've stopped doing X and Y. When it starts to bug her, maybe she'll pick up too. I personally get a little laugh out of watching my husband go on rants when he feels the house is a mess and that he is the "only one picks up"- complete BS. Hopefully eventually she'll get the picture and if she doesn't realize that you aren't going to be the maid, she'll have to sacrifice so you can get one, help out, or do without you altogether. Good luck!