pigpen

Yes it is absolutely wrong to read her emails. I dont know what you read. But people deserve to have personal space. Your are her husband, not another part of her. If you dont respect her as an individual you cant have a marriage.

On the subject of emails - the problem is that you dont know what the contents really mean. You know what you think they mean, what you are afraid they mean. Basically you know squat.

Let me tell you a story. When I was very young we got our first computer. I "met" a guy in a chat room who was friendly. I was going through a rough time with my husband and was desperately lonely. I did not really think there was any real relationship with this guy. But I spent some time playing around with the idea and emailed a friend - what is love, is this love, does he love me. I was not even having an emotional affair, I was having a huge dose of self pity and looking for answers in anyway I could. The questions I posed, however, were of the same seriousness as "if I won the lottery".

My husband, however, read my emails and decided I was having a flesh and blood affair. He kicked me out of the house and did not talk to me for 6 months. He never asked me about what he read. He never called and pretty much washed his hands of me. I should have left right then. But being young and of low self esteem I went back to him as soon as he let me.

I will always regret that stupid email. He never regretted reading it. But he did a lot of damage by not talking to me about it and, in his mind, I still lie about my intentions.

DONT ever read emails. Especially if you think you will get the whole picture. You might. But you might also cause yourself needless damage and irreversibly hurt your wife.