pigpen

You know I am smart enough to realize that for all my hubbys failings - I don't help the situation. I mean, in a way, I enable the behavior. It is not that I like the way it is. it is that, in a warped way, it is easier for me to scream foul than it is to actually do something about it.

But it has taken me a very long time to see this is true.
It was interesting today. I get home and he had done a few chores and seemed interested in my ideas on what to do about the house. He participated for a while.

And there it was, I found myself thinking "oh maybe he has finally gotten it" and yet It was as though i was looking at myself from the outside and I could see the fall coming.
It actually felt good - I noticed the fall before it happened. Detached. And having noticed the same old stuff as it occurs it is very humorous. Sad too. But if my marriage was a skit on Saturday Night Live it would be really funny.

I have been really dumb. Still the thought of breaking up the family leaves me feeling cold and nauseous.