Most men go to strip clubs which in and of itself isn't a bad thing, infact when I was married to my first wife she insisted I go there instead of a regular bar because "I couldn't bring the strippers home". Where I live if you touch them you are man handled and literally thrown out. Most people I think are curious of single online stuff too.
However, anytime anything like that becomes an addiction, take away from a relationship in anyway be it emotionally, sexually or even just time I think it is the problem and needs to end there and then.
Now I am not one to watch porn, nor have I ever been to a strip club since meeting my current wife. We have been married for ten years. We are dedicated to each other and nothing including our hobbies get in the way of our relationship.
Trust seems to be an issue which I think is the second most important factor of a relationship. So I don't think you are over reacting and frankly the
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he did that to see if I was checking on him
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really seems like a poor excuse.
Many people get lap dances which in many ways is harmless, however, he broke boundries you where not comfortable with which makes me question how much respect he has for you.
I think you are justified.
draconis