swedish

I was raised more like you and agree with having to take responsibility for your own life. I also can see his mom's point that there are probably things your husband had to learn however he learned because of his dad being absent. My dad has a severe gambling addiction so I could be completely financially irresponsible myself based on what I learned growing up, but I decided that I never want to go months without electricity, hot water, food, clothes, the stress of creditors calling constantly so I started working at age 12 to buy my own clothes and have $ for hanging out with friends and worked ever since, never looked back. I think it has a lot to do with knowing what you want and being strong enough to work hard to get there on your own. I think in your case, it will be easier for you to change how you approach conversations then it will to expect him to react differently. If over the years he began to feel that you speak to him as if he were a child even the most innocent query at this point might make him feel that way. My husband has a difficult time answering hard questions involving what he was thinking when he had an emotional affair...why did he do it...why does he love me...etc. Sometimes I need to say...did you feel unappreciated at the time? and if he says yes, maybe a little...I would continue from there...but never get defensive or it would have shut down the lines of communication on the spot. We have come along way in being able to share with each other how we feel (we never argued in the past, we used to keep everything to ourselves which was just as damaging to the relationship)