swedish

If you have decided that he is lazy and will not change to better himself or his family (you and the kids) and are past the point of working on things, I wouldn't leave right this second (unless there is a concern that he will be violent) I would go home and be as normal and make the move when he isn't there (if he's at his mom's etc.) The last thing you want is for your kids to see and be in the middle of this. Taking them to your mom's will be a big adjustment for them knowing it's not just visiting grandma for a day, but moving out. I wouldn't do it lightly or without a solid plan that minimizes the disruption to them. If your bf raises his voice in the meantime, don't go there. Just quietly say "I really can't let our kids be in this type of atmosphere anymore so please keep your voice down if you want to talk"...Make a pact to yourself that the fighting is done and go from there...when he realizes he's getting no feedback, he will eventually back down...just stay strong and don't give in, no matter how irritated you get by something he says.

If in his eyes your role in this relationship is to 'do blah blah blah for him' what in the world is in this for you? If he says you aren't doing anything for him anyway, what exactly is he doing for you?