Originally Posted by J_3
She had a run in two years ago December where she felt like she was ganged up upon. I was not there, but she got in an argument with someone(a major donor) at by Brother in law's work and felt that no one took her side of the story. I don't think she has really resolved that, but everyone else has moved on. She still seems to resent them all for that and has stated she will never be friends with my brother-in-law as a result.
She also thinks that they make decisions for me (which is a long story, but definitely not the case. Happy to expound if it will help).
She has built up some strong resentment over the years, but if we want to move forward as a couple... this seems like a big deal.
Well, yes, J-3, it is a big deal, but not in the way you think. It's a big deal for your marriage that you are not on her side, and you do not defend her. If you want to move forward as a couple, you need to make it clear that you are on her side. That doesn't mean you can't ever disagree with her re your family (although, given the history, you can't for a few more years), but it means that you need to make it very clear that SHE matters more than your family. And if in your heart of hearts she doesn't, then you need to think about what that means for your marriage.