Cindy

You sound so sweet and sad. I think your wife was abused in the past. Apparently, sex reminds her of something horrible and the unwillingness to deal with it has caused her to miss out. Sex is mental and emotional for the ladies, so anything not in balance with either of those inferes with sex.

I was abused when I was younger and had the hardest time in the bedroom. I would have to remind myself, this is my husband, he loves me, and it's not dirty. When my husband finally told me he felt like a dirty old man whenever he asked me for sex b/c of the way I would react, I was heart broken. I decided I would not let what happened to me taint one more thing in my life. I would not let it rob me of my joy one more day. My husband had done nothing wrong and all he wanted was to show me love the way it was intended to be.

I no longer need my "mantra" and enjoy my husband when I can since we have 2 kids now. Sure, it still bothers me some days but I deal with as it comes, I refuse to be the victim anymore.

You should sit your wife down and gently ask her if she has been abused. Sometimes, horrible things are hard to get out on our own and we need someone to ask, ya know, open the door. Let her know she is safe and that you will love her no matter what. That you are there to believe her and support her. Hopefully, she will open up. If she has been abused and finally opens up, keep in mind it will not be a quick fix. She will need to process what she's been holding back and learn how to live with it in a healthy manner.

Hope it works out, sounds like you are a good husband. Hang in there!