pigpen

My husband and I have such frustrating conversations over mundane things. I know....welcome to the club!

This is a minor rant but I seriously want to change this pattern.
I will give you the most recent example.

When I got a cell phone my husband refused to get a family plan because he felt that he did not need one. Adding, of course, that they were stupid etc.

Well, over the years, if my husband had to travel with our son and without me for long distances, I have insisted he take my cell phone "just in case".

This has been Ok. I always felt that it was a small sacrifice and only happens once a year or so.

But about 2 months ago my husband got a night job on the weekends. At first he wanted to borrow the phone because he did not have his security card and had to call security to let him in. As soon as he got a security card then he would not need the phone any more. When he got his level one card he continued with the phone because "there could be problems" until he got his level 2 card. I thought this was reasonable. But now he has his security card and he refuses to leave me the cell phone. It drives me crazy because
A. It is mine
B. My phone numbers are stored in there and some numbers are unlisted
C. On Mondays I have to drop my child off at school and if I hit a train (about 3 times a week) I have to be able to call and let work know I will be late. It is not a problem to be late - I just need to be able to call. He has the phone all day on Monday because he is coming off his Sunday shift and I won't see him until later that night.
D. I bought the phone for MY security and I don't have that if he has my phone.

Any way, I have suggested several times that he needs his own phone but he has ignored my hints. So today I asked him if he really NEEDED the phone because I wanted to have it because I would be out and about with my son and would have to make calls later. Just for the night. It was the first time I have asked him to use my phone on the weekend since he got his job.

Instead of just admitting that he needed his own phone he put up a big fuss. Arguing strenuously that I don't need the phone overnight and can't I just write down the numbers I need etc.

Of course I gave him my list of reasons (a-d above). But he just argued harder. Very irritating because he did not want to get a cell phone in the first place.

To my mind he should have said "oh, I am sorry, I did not realize you needed your phone. Of course I will get my own"

It was obvious he thought I was being selfish and silly. He gets that look on his face like I am nasty bug he cant wait to squash. At that point I just said "look, take the phone tonight. But you have to get your own phone" and used a tone that makes it clear the sharing has gone on long enough.

Of course it is a small conversation. But it is one of many and these little incidents really put a bad taste in my mouth.

I don't think I am silly at all. I loaned him the phone for a short period and it has turned into a semi-permanent arrangement.

How can I break this pattern? Is there a way to get him to? I use my most reasonable and careful language and I never just spring it on him. I have been saying "gee, if you need the phone every night perhaps you should get your own phone" casually for a while now. I have also pointed out that pay as you go phones are cheap and inexpensive to keep etc etc etc.

Is there a way to break these cycles? They are a huge part of why I feel so frustrated and fed up. If there is something I can do from my end to keep them from happening I am all for it. I will do anything!

Thanks for the ear. Suggestions are appreciated.