Originally Posted by WorkOnIt
morituri, I agree with what you say but the portion that may help those trying to reconcile is the "love bank" theory where deposits, rather than withdrawals may help some discover how to win that affection back. Many BS especially men realize they got too comfortable in their lives and didn't make very many deposits, but simply withdrew from the bank. I agree it doesn't address a BS feelings well at all, but that simple theory of the Love Bank is such a simple one that almost any man can understand what he needs to do in order to have his wife fall for him again if he's willing to choose the long hard road of R. By far R is harder than D once you've been betrayed but I do believe if your WS is not a serial by nature, you can have a shot at having a better marriage than you had if both people want it, and are willing to work for it.
Harley's books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Lovebusters" explains the same concepts very well. I found Lovebusters very helpful. I haven't read SAA but the other two books he wrote have good information. His books are fine. Just stay off his message board.