Re: Frustrating conversations
Hi again,
As can be seen from the number of posts I've made here,
I'm the new (one of the new?) guy in this sandbox.
Hopefully, I don't come off as "holier than thou" or a
wet blanket, and I certainly don't intend to ruffle
feathers; apologies in advance if I do.
I advocate against meeting "game playing" by one's
husband or wife by playing games yourself.
Most such problems relate to communication and trust.
You can really only be responsible for yourself and
hope that your husband joins in responsibly as well.
You can also set up REAL (again - I don't recommend
gamed) consequences in the event that he doesn't
respond responsibly within a certain time frame.
These are matters for you to decide.
You most certainly have a right to expect some common
courtesy and decency from the man who supposedly loves
you.
Communication can be incredibly difficult if your
husband doesn't want to communicate in a trust-building
manner.
My recommendations will almost always be that you think
about what you want thoroughly. Then figure out how to
approach the subject with your husband, including your
opening comments, the "right" time if there are better
times than others, and so forth.
And then I would almost always preface it with
something like this:
"Honey (or whatever term of endearment you use), I've
got a problem that we need to discuss. When would be a
good time for us to do it?"
By letting him pick the time, it helps YOU see whether
or not he's going to play fairly with you. If so, all
to the good.
But suppose he says, "Never." Then you've got some
decisions to make, yes?
Or suppose he picks a time that you both know is next
to impossible for you to be there. Show a little
patience and remind him of that fact. If he won't play
fairly, then again you've got decisions to make, etc.
I don't want to go into all the possible scenarios. You
should be able to tell if your husband is playing
fairly with you or not. That's what I would be
striving for: mutual effort to make things work between
you. That's not a lot to ask for in a marriage - and
yet it may be everything.
Regards,
Bal
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