Originally Posted by COguy
I'm sitting here tonight going through the five stages of grief. Stages that I remember all too well from the infidelity. The sadness is a tough pill to swallow, but I remember that I got over the infidelity, and I did it in what I considered to be a short period of time, and that I will get over this as well. I just have to ensure that I allow myself to feel and process all the pain.
The saddest thing about divorce, or infidelity, we don't have our partners to go through it with us. I'm glad I have a lot of great friends and family. My heart breaks for my wife because she has so little support.
I'm going through a similar situation right now except me and my wife aren't on talking terms right now so we haven't even mentioned divorce just yet. We decided we didn't want to do the couples counseling thing because we have had a lot of friends who got divorced claiming that the counselor often sides with one side over the other and it ends up straining the relationship even worse than before.
As for the infidelity, my wife slept with another man when we were seperated, I know what you mean when you say its sad that the other side can't share in the heartache over that. My wife actually smacked me in the face figuratively over that situation telling me that its actually harder mentally on the person who cheated than it is on the one who was cheated on because of how badly she beats herself up over it and how she knows she was unfaithful and messed up our relationship. I think thats a selfish point of view, or maybe not perhaps but I don't see how she could be more hurt from cheating on me than I was being cheated on.
My wife has addictions and very well could have BPD as well. She thinks everybody has bi-polar though so she doesn't want to look into or get tested for it. She also displays symptoms of NPD as well but thats not the point. I just want you to know that I can relate to your problems, me and my wife don't have children which should be easier but I can relate to you saying you wish she would apologize, say she wants to make it work and you would go right back to her if she did that. I feel the same way. I feel like a broken man right now. Emotionally spent, countless sleepless nights, even when we got a long I was always looking over my shoulder waiting for the next time she was going to start a fight, or the next time she is on facebook until 8am in the morning messaging her ex. The trust was gone after she cheated and after that it was hard to give back, I'm still not over it and her not changing her ways as far as attitude and how she handled everything didn't help. She stopped sleeping with the guy but her behavior was still erratic.
Constant mood swings, constantly getting drunk, she would have a really good day but you knew the very next day that it wasn't going to last and that tomorrow might be a really bad day. Just zero consistency in mood. I mean you can't expect anyone to have a good day everyday, everybody deals with depression but when its so hot and cold, so often and totally random it just mentally screws up your head.
Thats where I am at right now, pretty screwed up over this, my friends tell me about how I was before her, how nice of a person I am and how well I treat people, yet now look at me. I'm a shadow of myself pretty much. Still nice but broken.