I have enjoyed and agreed with all of your posts in this thread so far... except this one. Lovely dovey couples do not always break up. My aunt and uncle are one example. They've been married about 40 years now, and I still see them sneaking kisses to each other once in awhile when they think no one is looking. I have lived with them for some weeks during my teenage years, and I came to realize that like most people they do argue sometimes (which I never saw when I didn't live with them). However, they do argue in a pretty healthy way, and they are still super affectionate.
Although I think that there may be cases of incompatibility where loving someone is near impossible, in most cases, I would agree that love is a choice. Often people do leave marriages far too quickly because they are looking for some type of elusive feeling, which is often lacking because that person hasn't done the work to cultivate it in the first place. Love is not always easy nor always romantic. When you see an older spouse helping their partner get up to use the toilet because that person is disabled, and standing there while the other person is farting on the commode (sorry for the graphics), you do realize that love is a choice. It's not always going to be romantic, but it can certainly be enduring if people want it to be that way.
Personally I think the best marriages have both the conscious 'love' and the 'in love' aspects, though in many cases good marriages can be sustained with the conscious choice to love alone. I'm not saying this is always easy, as I have had some struggles with this issue in my own marriage. But when things get tough, I remind myself that I made a choice to marry this man and I need to do the best I can to do my part in being a good partner to him. Of course I'm not talking about dealbreakers here (like abuse or violence or infidelity or complete financial irresponsibility without any desire to change), but barring extreme issues I think most couples can work things out if they decide to consciously love the other person. It would be great to still get an occasional butterfly in your stomach for your spouse 20 years after marriage, but I know that it would be unrealistic to expect this all the time, as that's just not going to happen when you are so used to the day-to-day aspect of living with someone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by synthetic  You must have been watching me and my WALKAWAY wife 
That's exactly how our relationship was until one day she just decided to walk.
Having been in a passionate relationship like you described for 11 years, I can confidently claim that it's not "normal" or "healthy" to be that way. It always leads to a downward spiral. ALWAYS.
The couple you're describing are much less infatuated with each other than it seems to you. Don't be surprised if your relationship with your husband ends up being the more healthy one.
Trust me, I know |
