lostluv

Ok, where to start? I have been married to my husband for 14 years. We have had problems in our relationship since before marriage and now looking back on things I wonder if our marriage was just the confortable, safe thing to do or if I was ever truely in love with him. When we argue it's always the same thing, sometimes almost verbatum, and nothing ever changes. I have recently told him I was unhappy and did not think I was in love with him. Yes it was the "love, but not in love" conversation. It got really emotional and he told me how much he loves me and how painful it is for him to hear me say those things to him. As usual, I ended up feeling guilty and trying to comfort him. I feel like such a horrible person for feeling this way, I don't want to hurt him or the kids, but I really have no desire to be in a relationship with him. I go through the motions for the sake of doing so, but I don't remember when I have felt an emotional connection other than pain with him. We get along pretty well on a platonic level, but I really want the chance to feel happy. He is very attentive, emotional, and protective towards me. However, while I know most women would love to have someone dote on them the way he does me, I simply feel smothered. I actually enjoy going to work or him going to work just so I feel I have some space. I just can't seem to muster up the ability to walk away. I would rather be miserable for the sake of the children and to keep from having to deal with the situation. If I could just get him to see my side this would all be much easier. I have basically given the "I want out" speech several time, I just never follow through. It's easier to be unhappy and stick with the status quo. What's wrong with me?!