Originally Posted by Adament
Had a talk with her tonight. A good one. She is finally starting to re-open up to me about everything that she is feeling. We talked openly about our feelings for about an hour until she started to fall asleep. She told me that she really does want us to work out but she is afraid that if she decides to work things out with me that something may go wrong and she will be unhappy again. While also being scared that this may be her only opportunity to leave and be with the ex. She told me that she feels like she wants to have kids because she wants to feel like she is loved unconditionally. I told her that I do love her unconditionally and that I am proving that by still loving her through the EA and will continue to prove that by being the best man that I can be for her, and doing little things to show my love for her even in the most troubling times. She also talked about how she wants to feel like we are our age. She feels like I am to mature for my age and that because of that our relationship has felt like we are an old couple, boring and slow. I told her that I felt like we were being like that because we had grown apart due to the above issues, and that I do want to be able to go out and have fun and live life to the fullest with her. I asked her to think about where she sees herself in 5 years. I asked her not to think about the what ifs. Concentrate on the here and now and not to dwell on the past but instead look to the future. I asked her to think about how she would feel if we stayed open with one another and did work our marriage in a way that we both could be happy. How would she feel spending the rest of our lives together like that, happy and open, and with unconditional love for one another. I asked her how would she feel if i did keep her as my top priority, go out of my way to make her happy before making myself happy, for the rest of our lives. Would that life be worth putting everything into? Would that life fulfill your every dream? Think about what your dreams are. What I know of her dreams is that she wants to be able to be a stay at home mom / freelance writer and photographer. She confirmed this on the phone. I told her that works for me because all I have ever dreamed to be is a good husband, a great father, and a provider for my family. Lastly i asked her what the best way to accomplish her dreams would be. Then when we were going to bed she asked me to join her in dreamland (something we have been doing since we were dating) and to meet her in our dream home, and that she loves me. I told her that I love her too and that I would meet her there.
We still have a lot more to go through and she is opening up to me again. Which feels amazing. We are suppose to talk again tomorrow evening. Any feed back before then would be much appreciated.
Thats good to hear. You two have good dialogue going and are talking about things. Me and my wife are at a stand still right now, sounds like she wants it to work, if she didn't she wouldn't be talking so deeply with you about life in general, she would just talk to you about mundane, every day things that don't have any relevance. Sounds like you are on the right track man, just take it day by day. And remember you don't have to put her before you for the rest of your lives, you still have to do things that make you happy and the things that make you happy aren't always going to make her happy. Thats what compromise is all about. You both put the other before yourself at times but you can't do that all the time. Then it becomes just living off of that person which is co-dependant, which is the kind of relationship I was in with my wife, I think its pretty much what destroyed my marriage or atleast got the ball rolling. I always put my wife first and once I saw she didn't do the same for me it caused resentment and made me miserable.