martino

Hi all,

Having some concerns that may sound like whining but here goes. Any sarcastic and mean comments will roll right off me, so if you don't have anything constructive to say don't bother.

Married 10 years have a special ed 7 year old son together that needs taken to therapy clinics four days a week. He is the only thing keeping me from leaving her right now. She works full time, I work part time and take him to and fro during the week. I'm self employed so this is what works best.

I really feel at the bottom of her priority list, she rarely shows affection, once I was texting her some love notes and she reminded me that they cost money, yet she text messages her girl friends. Intimacy problems, she likes fast and to the point, and I would prefer longer time spent. She is just one of those people that isn't good at expressing emotion, and I am the opposite, I crave communication and intimacy, where I think it is much more difficult for her. I'm a full time employed musician and she works in a clinic and loves it see the personality difference?

I have asked her if anything is wrong, she said no. I told her, tell me anything that might be wrong, I can handle bluntness even if it hurts my male ego like a sex problem. Again, NO, so either she has no problems, or won't tell me. I know she isn't having an affair bacause neither of us have the time, we know where each other is all the time and that isn't in her nature, she isn't even sexually driven enough to handle two guys I don't think. I've asked to go to a counselor with me, she wouldn't but I did, I followed the counselor's advice and they were good tips but still not correcting the root of our problem. I just feel like i'm always giving way more to the relationship than she is.

I've sent her emails explaining how I feel, she never even responds back. When asked why she says she can't because some nosy co-worker likes to look over shoulders. Yet i've seen in her email, conversations with a couple close friends of her's discussing their problems in detail. But yet she can't write me.

I'm sure to some this might sound whiny and trivial, but the truth is it hurts. It hurts because i've told her again and again, that this bothers me and she says she doesn't know what I want. She says she loves me and couldn't imagine life without me. The problem is that she doesn't show it often enough or in a style that I don't get?. I think it's really just a huge clash of personalities. It has me feeling like i'm just watching my years unhappily pass, but my son needs two strong people in his life, he has mental delay and a radical change in his life like a divorce would mess him up bad so I can't leave her.

So then I try and back off to show her what it feels like, she picks up on that, goes out of her way for a couple days to pursue me until she gets the feeling that everything is ok, then back to her old ways again. This cycle repeats over and over. I end up feeling patronized. I just feel taken for granted.

Any advice? I truly don't know what else to do?

Thank you,

-E