Originally Posted by Thorburn
TDS - I am in denial. I want this to work. I only blame part of her behavior on my anger and that is only some of her current behavior not her A's.
Her saying that it was my porn usage that drove her to it I can't buy. My porn usage over the years was not excessive and it never replaced her. I understand her being hurt but like my BIL says, yea you looked at porn, many men do, but what she did was 1,000,000 times worse and is no excuse for what she did, over and over again. My BIL said her excuse makes no sense at all.
Listen to your BIL.
What jumped out at me was when you were talking about the VAR recording - how you were disrespected - how they were laughing about her affairs - how she thought that buying a house was you attempting to isolate her but it was not going to work. All this and what you hang your hat on is that you did not hear her say she wanted to leave you. Really? How about all the things that you did hear? Snap out of your denial and see things how they really are and not how you want or wish they could be.
Did she say she was in love with you?
Did she say she was proud of you as her husband?
Did she say she respected you as her husband or as an honest man?
Did she say she was truly sorry and remorseful for the pain she has and is still causing you?
Did she say ANYTHING good about you or the marriage?
Sometimes doctors make the worst patients. Wake up councilor/minister. You have seen so much pain in your career that you are not clearly seeing the whole picture of your own life.
I really think you need to not see or talk to her for a while. A couple of weeks minimum - a month would be better. Take stock of your life. Decide what you need to do to be happy. Then do it.