pigpen

Door Mat.

You have given her every reason to believe you will always pickup the pieces. And absolutely no incentive to do otherwise.

She plays on your guilt and force the son card. I am sure you care about them both. But you did not create her irresponsibility.
But you did create your own mess. You say you have done it all "for her' but that is just another way of saying you did what you did becase you could not live with the consequences. Now you see that there are other consequences to your own actions debt).

You seem to already know what you want but you ar not getting it because you have enabled her for a long tme.

What does she give you that you can not get elsewhere?

It is so easy to play the game "if you do THIS I will do THAt" but once the game comes to an end when one of you fail in your commitment. In many ways you have both failed. You have failed to stick to your guns. She has failed to deliver on all her bargins. The is the adult game of "If you dont do this I wont be your friend any more"

I know how to play this game all too well.
You can not force her to do what you want. You can not make her grow up and you can not love her into taking responsibility for her own actions.

I have spent years and years playing this game. No one will ever win. Least of all you.

It is hard to stick up for yourself. Especially if you carry the weight of fear and low self esteem around.

You mention your age and worrying that you can not find another woman. She uses you and walks all over you with guilt and neglect. Is she really the best you can do? Its not much better than eating from the trash no matter how pretty the wrapping.

To top it off, she really isnt being a godd role model for her son.
she uses him as leverage both against you and her former husband. Whether she intends to or not she has her self a nice little pawn that gets her an awful lot of what she wants without really trying. How sad for him!
Perhaps the childs dad is a better role model and would be better living with his dad full time.

Take responsibility for your own actions - stand up for yourself and realize that all you have is yourself. If you choose to continue this relationship - accept that she will always be exactly as she is now. There will always be a "reason" (excuse) for being as she is. You can accept responsibility for her (she wont), or move on. But if you take her on again realize that you do it for your own selfish reasons and you will get exactly what you have already seen.