Originally Posted by lamaga
Okay, Galway, buck up because I am going to speak truth to you.
Nineteen days of texting and there was no physical contact. And you are willing to lose your wife and your family over this?
STOP THAT. You are being silly. Now, others will come onto here and talk to you about how to monitor her for the rest of time so that this never happens again, and that's fine, but the fact is?
NOTHING HAPPENED. Get over it. Go hug her and be glad that she is still with you. This is as big a deal as you choose to make it. Husbands are dealing every day with wives dying, wives literally in their beds with other men, wives deciding they are gay...each and every one of them would trade places with you in a heartbeat.
Lamaga, I am not going to tell him he needs to do the keyloggers or VARs or anything. But he has a RIGHT to how he feels. An emotional affair is a very real thing. And, it DOES hurt. It hurts very much when your spouse is telling someone else that she is sexy or beautiful. It hurts very much when your spouse returns those sentiments. You can't say nothing happened... you can say nothing PHYSICAL happened, but something did, indeed, happen. The wife was getting her emotional needs met by someone other than her husband. Yea, it was "only" 19 days. My husband's emotional affair was "only" a month long... but, by your definition, "nothing happened"... my husband was pushing me away. My husband was forming a bond, a sexually charged bond, with someone other than myself. So, yes, something did, indeed happen.
I know you have experience with infidelity of the physical form, as you have stated before. Please, don't diminish this man's feeling over what has happened in his family. An emotional affair is still a betrayal of the marriage vows. It is still cheating. Whether you believe it to be so or not.
Now, to Galway, I will say this: you CAN get past this, if you choose to do so. It may take some time. I know that, nearly 3 months after having discovered my husband's EA, I an now beginning to feel more "normal". And that was after he was texting for a month with this woman! You will need to be sure she is completely transparent. No hiding her phone, no locking it, no hiding passwords from you, nothing. Whether you are checking regularly or not, because she cheated, the burden of proof is on her. She needs to make sure you KNOW she is being faithful. That means she needs to be willing to allow you to see everything, including emails...and, this man is to be removed COMPLETELY from everything... from her cell phone, from her email contacts, from Facebook (if she has one)...everything. And she needs to go no contact, if she has not already... she needs to tell him "do not contact me any further"