Originally Posted by HiMaint57
Can we please not judge SKal for what she did? I can guarantee that she's beaten herself up enough already, because I'm in the same situation and have been for 32 years.
My husband is a good, kind man -- caring, thoughtful, and devoted to me, great father . . . what more is there to say? We were both 23 when we married (dated for 5 years), and I did it because we had fun together and he made me feel safe. At the time I had untreated depression/anxiety and didn't know what I wanted for my life. I was a mess. Rationally I knew it wasn't right to marry someone I didn't love, but I was terrified of the black hole that was the alternative.
OP doesnt get a pass from me. She came to an open forum, told her story, so she is going to get a lot of opinions/advice on the matter.
To me, it is completely selfish to marry someone you do not love, making them think you love them, and convincing them you love them, when you do not love them.
So the end reuslt is the same: she should divorce him fast, not wasting any more of his time (or hers). She should be honest with him and tell him she does not love him, never has, and not string him along. Because the divorce will be easier to accept for him that way, if she honest (finally). If she bullsh!ts him saying she always loved him and blah blah blah it's: 1. a lie and 2. going to confuse him and make the divorce more difficult to accept. Especially if he's blind-sided.
They were not meant to be, ever. Their entire marriage was based on a false pretense. And to me, that is as cold as ice.