Originally Posted by jh52
You don't need MC === you need IC. The problem is with you and not your wife. Fix yourself and do everything posible before you destroy your marriage, wife, children and family.
The trouble to day is that when people say there vows -- and say better or worse -- some of them mean "until I get tired of you".
What has your wife done to you ?
Don't be a coward and fight for your marriage -- you deserve that -- most importantly so does your wife and family.
Seek out an IC counselor today to get back on the right track.
Good luck !!
I have been going to IC. My IC has made me come to realize that i have to fix myself, and that's made me come to terms with how i truly feel about my wife. Maybe i didn't love her as much as i'd once thought. Has it eroded? Yes. Why? I still don't know. Our MC has also brought this up with me: instead of, "I did things to hurt and betray you, and that's made me love you less," he suggested that "I loved you less, therefore I've done things to hurt and betray you."
My wife has not been without fault in our marriage. She is often emotionally manipulative, stating things like, "if you leave me, i would just die," then turning around and bringing up divorce - she's brought this up more times than i can count. She's smothered me, to the point where i have to constantly justify wanting to do the things i want to do outside of our marriage. I'm pursuing a writing career, which involves me wanting the time to write. Often times, that means staying up late or getting up early to write for at least an hour. On the surface, she says she's supportive, but she'd rather i focus my attention on more marital things. This isn't anything new. If I want my own time, just even an hour, she'll accuse me of neglecting her. Just recently, i made mention of wanting to pursue my MFA in Writing. I was hoping for support; what i got instead was, "how do you think we're going to pay for this, and where are you going to find the time?"
Meanwhile, she has gone back to school, and i have made more than enough time and effort to give her what she needs to pursue her degree. I've even helped her with term papers (which she scored the highest in her class). I feel I just don't get the same support from her that i give her in these regards, and often times i just give up on wanting to pursue interests outside the marriage just so she doesn't get upset or have her feelings hurt.
We each want things to make our marriage work, but it boils down to differences that can't be reconciled. I've mentioned me wanting more time for myself, which she has shot down. I mentioned having a timetable for us to judge where we are in our relationship, and what we need to do to make things right -or decide it's just not working - and she's shot that down, too. In order for the marriage to work, i have to meet her demands, but she's not willing, or is just paying lip service, to meet mine. And that's been a giant source of frustration for me.