Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHubby
How come a it is so hard to keep
it short & to the point & make an effort to solve it
swiftly. We could use the time wasted talking doing
something better together.
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Guy to guy, TheHubby, the thing is that both of you
need to
want things to work out well for both of
you. If you view this as any kind of zero-sum-game,
where you lose if she wins or she loses if you win,
there simply will be no winners.
When you're not in a stressed out mode, talk to your
beloved and say, "Look - I really do want to talk about
the things that are important to you. But can we think
about how to do it so that it's not just as I come in
after a hard day and a hard commute? I just need a
little down-time so I can transition from work to
home."
If your wife is at all reasonable, she'll see the value
of this and you two can negotiate a better way of
communicating.
If she can't see the value in this, then the question I
would ask is this: you want me to care about your
feelings. Do you care at all about mine?
If the answer is "no," well, then you have a real
insight into your relationship. If the answer is yes,
then I'd just restate my case and add, "Now you just
said you valued my feelings... Can we please figure out
a better way and better times to talk?"
This isn't perfect, but it's how I would do it - how I
have done it in similar situations in my own marriage.
Of course, my wife is wonderfully reasonable, which is
one reason why I married her. But there's a heart-logic
and a mind-logic to this kind of thing. You just need
to figure it out in your marriage.
Best of results to you,
Regards,
Bal