Originally Posted by Birdsong
Friends tell me to walk around the house naked - turn him down next time he does want sex (tick, tick, tick...). I do walk around naked sometimes - used to sleep naked in fact. Now, I've decided to cover up, hoping that this will make me less accessible - more intriguing, mystical, sexy...
It isn't just the sex. He's withdrawn from me as a person, and can't even kiss or cuddle me without lightening the mood. He'll tickle me or make a joke rather than let the moment happen. I know he has issues due to a bad childhood and a mother who was, well just crap really.
I've tried walking around naked, too. its pretty demoralizing when he looks, and then looks away. a few days ago my H came in when i was taking a bath. mind you we havent had sex in at least two weeks. he sits next to me, smiles, touches my back (a pitty touch im thinkin') and then says hes going to bed. lovely.
I used to try and figure him out. I used to constantly try to understand what his problem was- his childhood, anxiety, our fighting, me, etc. And you know what i found out? even if i know what his problem is, even if under some miracle i figured out the answer (which to a few things i have), it wont change a thing. He has to do the work for himself.
And if you get so wrapped up in trying to fix your H, in trying to make him want sex with you, you're going to be so busy that you wont realize he's crushing your heart. One day you'll come out of it and realize that you're demoralized, have no self-esteem, you'll be angry and bitter. dont let that happen. dont get so wrapped up in it that you forget to take care of you. protect your heart. if it hurts dont do it. if having sex with him makes you feel wrong- dont do it. dont walk around in front of him naked. dont try and talk about it. let him bring it up. that doesnt mean you have to hate him. I dont hate my H anymore. i think he has issues that maybe i do or dont understand, but either way, i dont like how it affects me and so i have to take care of me.