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4. Sit closer to the hurting spouse so there can be some reinforced touching (not intimate or sexual touching) while talking about the matter.
5. Possibly even a hug or two when sensing the other spouse is really feeling the stress from the situation.
6. Possibly while giving a hug, express some gentle words like "I am trying to understand, these things happen, I don't have an answer, but together we'll get through it. I'm here right beside in in this"
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These are absolutely perfect examples and the correct resonse...these will bring understanding, a feeling of love & concern washes over us and we are more willing to openly talk , even though we got ourselves in a "pickle". A feeling of..."we're still in this thing together". Genuine support when needed.
The 1st 3 examples will only put up defences, a break down of communication, blaming and everything that is not good, a path that will cause more of a divide.