This is a bit long but I am looking for unbiased opinions. Thank you in advance.
First a little background. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 6 years, living together for 8. I have a 14 year old daughter from a previous relationship and her father is not involved in her life, so my husband has raised her with me since she was young.
When I first met my husband, I was a pretty messy person and pretty irresponsible (I was 24.) My mom always picked up after me and did everything for me. My husband criticized me a lot and really taught me how to be more responsible – which I needed. Well, now that we have been together for 9 years, we still have this type of relationship. He is constantly criticizing me, and nit picking. He also talks crap about me to my daughter, calling me a lazy ass. We are usually in an argument or fight and it has been this for the past 3 years or so, and has gotten progressively worse. If we aren’t fighting, I feel he has to look for something to complain about. For example, my daughter told me he recently brought up some stuff that happened EIGHT YEARS AGO when we first moved in together. And these were SMALL things (like breaking his remote control and “ruining his blanket”. I honestly don’t even remember this.. it was so long ago.)
I do admit that he does do more housework than me, but I also want to point out that I work between 10 and 14 hours a day. He works 8. I also do most of the driving when it comes to my daughter (to school, dance, etc..) I bring home more money and pay for 90% of everything for my daughter including her phone, chores, school supplies, clothes, and dance.
I find myself not wanting to be around him. I think it is because when he’s not criticizing me, he is telling me I don’t care about him or love him. He says I’m not affectionate enough. Nothing I do is EVER enough. No matter how hard I try, how hard I work, he finds something wrong with me. And if he doesn’t, he goes back eight years and brings up old stuff.
I am 99% sure this marriage is over and thinking about that is relieving. I love him, but I really cannot live like this anymore. I am extremely unhappy and it seems like he is too. We fight, and then we make up and he says he will be better but we always fall right back to where we are now.
He will not do marriage counseling. He said it will not work and he refuses.
Is my marriage over?
First a little background. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 6 years, living together for 8. I have a 14 year old daughter from a previous relationship and her father is not involved in her life, so my husband has raised her with me since she was young.
When I first met my husband, I was a pretty messy person and pretty irresponsible (I was 24.) My mom always picked up after me and did everything for me. My husband criticized me a lot and really taught me how to be more responsible – which I needed. Well, now that we have been together for 9 years, we still have this type of relationship. He is constantly criticizing me, and nit picking. He also talks crap about me to my daughter, calling me a lazy ass. We are usually in an argument or fight and it has been this for the past 3 years or so, and has gotten progressively worse. If we aren’t fighting, I feel he has to look for something to complain about. For example, my daughter told me he recently brought up some stuff that happened EIGHT YEARS AGO when we first moved in together. And these were SMALL things (like breaking his remote control and “ruining his blanket”. I honestly don’t even remember this.. it was so long ago.)
I do admit that he does do more housework than me, but I also want to point out that I work between 10 and 14 hours a day. He works 8. I also do most of the driving when it comes to my daughter (to school, dance, etc..) I bring home more money and pay for 90% of everything for my daughter including her phone, chores, school supplies, clothes, and dance.
I find myself not wanting to be around him. I think it is because when he’s not criticizing me, he is telling me I don’t care about him or love him. He says I’m not affectionate enough. Nothing I do is EVER enough. No matter how hard I try, how hard I work, he finds something wrong with me. And if he doesn’t, he goes back eight years and brings up old stuff.
I am 99% sure this marriage is over and thinking about that is relieving. I love him, but I really cannot live like this anymore. I am extremely unhappy and it seems like he is too. We fight, and then we make up and he says he will be better but we always fall right back to where we are now.
He will not do marriage counseling. He said it will not work and he refuses.
Is my marriage over?