Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Thewife · 09-04-2007, 01:13 AM

I m sorry for what you are going thru, I'll tell, I can so well relate to your problem becoz I was in your shoes once.

Firstly, If u had done so much for your husband from the time you got married, how do u think he will be able to move his butt to get things done now? Many of us make this mistake of being supernice in the beginning and suffer when reality bites. I did the same thing, pampered my husband a lot, cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, and even massaging him when he is very tired. But that was when i was a homemaker for one year after marriage (Our marriage was also something like yours with a exception that we never get to know each other before that). Once I started to work life got tuffer and I felt so unfair and tired. I had to work 9 hours and yet come home and cook etc etc. First i requested him to lend me a hand in doing the dishes and cleaning the house while i cook-he did that for me. Then I stopped doing the laundry because i was soo tired- it went on to the point he had no clothes to wear to work-so he did that every other day. Things started to change soon and i started to nag him if his part of things are not done. I would even request him to cook............slowly it started to piss him i guess. At first he did things out of love now it became a must. He would tell me he is tired almost everyday. I stopped massaging him. I also started complaining that i m tired and sick. There were times when we call "sick" we really attend to each other but later became a daily thing and we were more worried about ourselves than each other. We quarrelled everyday and he slowly started come late everynight. We driffted apart a lot. Then one day we had a heart to heart talk and settled the matter.

Now we have no such problem (though occasionally). what I have learnt through the past 8 years of married life is husband and wife partnership should be based on understanding and mutual respect for each other. For me, I have realized how much i have nagged my husband, I should care for him the way i want him to care for me, When he says he's sick i respect that and give his time to rest, when he doesnt do things I'll do if I can(without complaining) if i cant i'll just leave it and close one eye, If i want him to do something I will request him and give him the option of whether he wants to do it or not and when he doesnt I dont pull a face. These changes in me had sparkled a lot of changes in my husband. He now doesnt wait for me to nag at him, he does a lot of things around the house (even bathing, changing and taking care of the babies), he even gives me a massage when i m very tired. Whenever I tell him i m not upto cooking he will buy food to eat and we save the trouble of cooking and cleaning

We have also learnt to appreciate our effort to help each other by saying thanks and giving small gifts etc. All these didnt come easily........it took numerous arguments, quarelling, unhappiness nights and days. A lot of crying..............We also had other in law issues to handle at the same time. What helped us is COMMUNICATION.

I am sharing my story so that it may help u get some insight on your problem. Your problem may be different from mine and u may think ur hubby is not like that, but a clear communication without blaming each other and using "I message" may help i think. I understand the mental and physical tiredness you two are going through is really pulling you down and making you want to be single again but you can change all these, if the two of u will give some thought to the most beautiful moments during dating or after marriage, think about what u like about him, think about why you wanted to marry him, think about the beautiful life u have with him and most importantly you kid. Write a letter or something to him to say your feelings (phrase it in such a way he doesnt feel you are blaming him and make him want to help u and work hand in hand in brining love and liveliness in your home) I know its easy said than done...............but you can try.......there's no harm in trying.

Even if my experience is not going to help you........remember u r not alone there are many women and men out there going thru similar problems, all we need is love, patience, understanding and good communication to make it work. all the best.

09-04-2007, 01:13 AM	#6 (permalink)
Thewife Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 74	Re: I'm married but I feel single... I m sorry for what you are going thru, I'll tell, I can so well relate to your problem becoz I was in your shoes once. Firstly, If u had done so much for your husband from the time you got married, how do u think he will be able to move his butt to get things done now? Many of us make this mistake of being supernice in the beginning and suffer when reality bites. I did the same thing, pampered my husband a lot, cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, and even massaging him when he is very tired. But that was when i was a homemaker for one year after marriage (Our marriage was also something like yours with a exception that we never get to know each other before that). Once I started to work life got tuffer and I felt so unfair and tired. I had to work 9 hours and yet come home and cook etc etc. First i requested him to lend me a hand in doing the dishes and cleaning the house while i cook-he did that for me. Then I stopped doing the laundry because i was soo tired- it went on to the point he had no clothes to wear to work-so he did that every other day. Things started to change soon and i started to nag him if his part of things are not done. I would even request him to cook............slowly it started to piss him i guess. At first he did things out of love now it became a must. He would tell me he is tired almost everyday. I stopped massaging him. I also started complaining that i m tired and sick. There were times when we call "sick" we really attend to each other but later became a daily thing and we were more worried about ourselves than each other. We quarrelled everyday and he slowly started come late everynight. We driffted apart a lot. Then one day we had a heart to heart talk and settled the matter. Now we have no such problem (though occasionally). what I have learnt through the past 8 years of married life is husband and wife partnership should be based on understanding and mutual respect for each other. For me, I have realized how much i have nagged my husband, I should care for him the way i want him to care for me, When he says he's sick i respect that and give his time to rest, when he doesnt do things I'll do if I can(without complaining) if i cant i'll just leave it and close one eye, If i want him to do something I will request him and give him the option of whether he wants to do it or not and when he doesnt I dont pull a face. These changes in me had sparkled a lot of changes in my husband. He now doesnt wait for me to nag at him, he does a lot of things around the house (even bathing, changing and taking care of the babies), he even gives me a massage when i m very tired. Whenever I tell him i m not upto cooking he will buy food to eat and we save the trouble of cooking and cleaning We have also learnt to appreciate our effort to help each other by saying thanks and giving small gifts etc. All these didnt come easily........it took numerous arguments, quarelling, unhappiness nights and days. A lot of crying..............We also had other in law issues to handle at the same time. What helped us is COMMUNICATION. I am sharing my story so that it may help u get some insight on your problem. Your problem may be different from mine and u may think ur hubby is not like that, but a clear communication without blaming each other and using "I message" may help i think. I understand the mental and physical tiredness you two are going through is really pulling you down and making you want to be single again but you can change all these, if the two of u will give some thought to the most beautiful moments during dating or after marriage, think about what u like about him, think about why you wanted to marry him, think about the beautiful life u have with him and most importantly you kid. Write a letter or something to him to say your feelings (phrase it in such a way he doesnt feel you are blaming him and make him want to help u and work hand in hand in brining love and liveliness in your home) I know its easy said than done...............but you can try.......there's no harm in trying. Even if my experience is not going to help you........remember u r not alone there are many women and men out there going thru similar problems, all we need is love, patience, understanding and good communication to make it work. all the best.