| | Re: I love you but I'm not in love with you
Name.user - I am going to go against the grain here. You have no proof of anything and keep confronting her. Accuse someone with evidence or do not accuse them. A cheater and a non-cheater will respond the same way, "I am not doing anything." Generally, a non-cheater would likely take care to assuage your suspicions by being comforting, while a cheater will take offense as a means of gas-lighting, but it may be offensive to be accused of doing something you aren't. In either case, you let the non-cheater know your self-esteem is weak (not-sexy) and you let the cheater know that your suspicions are aroused, so to be careful.
Regardless of whether she is cheating, she told you she is not in love with you - 2 years ago. WTF is the difference if she's cheating or not? I am not in love with you does not necessarily mean that she is cheating, it means she does not want sex with you. This would explain the diminishing intimacy, no? This requires immediate remedy (2 years late), including a 180, putting her on a budget regarding spending, and understanding where the relationship is headed. You are the sole provider, so you are funding her lifestyle of fun without you?
Get a few VARs, plant them and wait.
But stop with the accusations and bringing it up all the time. Tell her or write her a letter/email if you cannot unemotionally communicate, that you have a beautiful wife who has stated she is not attracted to you. Regardless, you love her and want to keep your family together. You have suspicions, because of these facts. You have no proof and will stop looking for it (hope she does not find VARs), but that you expect she stops saying you are crazy, because you are not. If your children are school age, she should be working (maybe helping you out), not home all day doing nothing (or no one), or producing tangible results for the home (cleaning, cooking, . . .).
Also, when throwing a dinner party, proper etiquette is to separate couples so they mingle and socialize with others. Admittedly, this is rarely done and if you were the only ones separated, that would be weird. Point taken that the host puts a guest he wants to sit near next to himself.