Originally Posted by WoeIsMe
Patience is not my strength. Moving out so soon was not wise. Filing before separation was not wise. I'm filled with "shoulda-coulda-woulda" about the past 3 months. My fear is my actions have had the opposite effect; that I've encouraged her to do the things she's doing. Heck, I would likely do the same if I were in her shoes.
I really think the cheating is rooted in a psychological issue; low self-esteem, etc, so I'm convinced she can be "cured" and I can overlook it all. I also think it's likely I'm kidding myself.
I suspect that you might be over-analyzing why she cheated. Although I concede that it could be a psychological issue, I'll bet it's more likely that she met somebody, there probably was inappopropriate behavior where boundaries were crossed, the dopamine (feel-good chemical--same thing drug addicts experience) kicked in, and she was off to the races. It happens all the time, and can happen to anyone. Meanwhile you're left racking your brain wondering what YOU did wrong, and what's wrong with HER.
She's addicted to the "in-love, heart-fluttering feeling" so she won't give up her affair partner(s?) In comparison, you're old news to her. She wants the new and exciting, but doesn't realize that this will also become "old news" eventually.
For reconciliation to happen, she can't date others. You two can talk about "feelings" until the cows come home, but there's no chance of winning her back unless she drops the other guys.