swedish

I can relate pretty well to how you feel. For me, it came down to the lessor of two evils...either I open up or run serious risk of losing my husband. I think that being shy is so part of who I am that it is something I will always need to work on.

I too, was very hurt when I found my husband was regularly looking at porn. I did a lot of searching online to see what other men said about it and what I found was pretty consistent. That they are 'wired' to think about sex and look at women in a sexual way. I was able to resolve this by thinking if that is the case, then I guess if he had to pick some way to relieve these urges images on a screen are far better than looking at/flirting with actual women.

I did not see any responses from men saying they found their partner unattractive or were looking for something better, etc. In fact, many said just the opposite. Most said it was used as 'filler' if their partner's sex drive was lower than theirs. Of course I wanted to believe my husband was one of the few guys who didn't get into that stuff, but if it's any comfort to you, it was nothing to do with you.

In the end, I just made the choice to open up & tear down that wall of protection I built, because it was no longer working for me. Mentally, I told myself I needed to go after what I wanted and not worry about my husband's reaction. Cosmo is a good resource to see what others are doing and will hopefully help with the eeew thoughts to hmmm that sounds interesting. I definitely kept a pace I was comfortable with...meaning, I wouldn't dress up for him if I was totally uncomfortable with it because it probably wouldn't be very exciting for him if I was feeling totally stupid vs sexy. I think the biggest turn-on for both men and women is when their partner is totally attracted to them. You don't necessarily have to alter what you are doing in any drastic way initially, but maybe the first step would be to initiate intimacy ie jump his bones. Imagine you are the most beautiful goddess alive (even if you don't believe it otherwise) because at that moment, he does

Being with your husband is the closest bond you have, and if you are able to let go and enjoy it your marriage will only be stronger. I don't see anything in that to feel guilty or ashamed of.