| | Handling a Not So Great Experience
While I have posted a lot, I have never started a thread, so here goes. Over the last year or so, I have been more aggressive in bed with my wife, both in physical aggression as well as trying new things. It has generally gone well, and she has been receptive to my leading in this area. As things have progressed, it is clear she likes some elements of being tied up. I have held her hands above her head and kept her in control during sex, and she has really responded, both physically and verbally.
So last night, we turned it up a bit with me tying her hands. Again, she responded well, and things were going hot for both of us. My wife has not always been comfortable receiving oral, so this was an opportunity for me to take a bit more time than usual. I had mentioned this before, and she had not ever objected. As that occurred last night, she made a comment about me stopping oral and starting sex. This is where things went downhill.
I don’t recall the precise wording, but I made a comment saying essentially that this was for me to enjoy you. I referring to giving her oral, and meant that it was for me to give her pleasure in ways I enjoyed. What she heard was that it was about me getting off and her not. This ticked her off. While she did not use her safe word, it became apparent pretty quickly that she was ticked, so I quickly released her. We talked about it, realized that my choice of words was not precise and left far too much interpretation, and that we did not communicate. .By that point, the mood was gone so there was not sex, and even with the talk, I felt like we were father apart, rather than bringing us together.
I raised the idea of getting together tonight, without the ties, and she seemed okay with it (though not as enthusiastic as in the past). While I don’t think I scared her off of being tied up, this experience certainly did not give her much comfort.
With all that in mind, I want to give her that comfort and work through this with her. Is it something I raise again, and if so when? Tonight seems like a bad idea, as I think it makes sense to “repair” the connection first, then explore this. We have tried other things that just did not work for us, but this is the first one where it was a real negative experience, as opposed to just neutral. Any thoughts are welcome.