You are referring to the SGP (Starting Gate Position). That's the one you were generally given due to your childhood, which can also be shaped by other experiences growing up (doesn't have to just come from your parental upbringing).
As for the 3 positions, Persecutor, Victim, Rescuer. These can change at any time in a conversation. In a 2 minute conversation you can go around the triangle 10 times.
Persecute enough to put someone into Rescuer, then once there is nothing left to Persecute, jump into Victim. What does the Rescuer do? Rescue the victim.
Rescue to 'completion' and what else does the Rescuer have left but to start Persecuting (to force Persecute into Victim) so they can continue on to Rescue. If the Rescue isn't successful, then hit up Victim for some sympathy.
Everyone wants to be the Victim, but there can only be one. Becoming the Victim gives you the freedom to go either way, Persecute or Rescue. It's a sense of control.
Have you met Conrad? When he isn't swinging 2x4's (or posting that damn spam pic of building material .. lol) you will see him continue on and on about saying "I'm not okay with that" and "Observe @50,000 feet".
While those sayings can be applied to many different ways of viewing conflict, I have found it very effective if you take the mental stance of Drama Triangle to said conflict at hand.
The whole point is to GET OUT of the DT.
"I'm not okay with that" is neither a Persecute NOR a Rescue. It cannot be labelled Victim (because you are not asking or seeking any pity, you are standing your ground with your boundaries). So, if it that simple phrase doesn't apply to any of the 3 faces of DT .. then where does it put you? OUTSIDE of the DT. (or in the center, whichever really).
Exactly where you want to be.
"Observe @50,000 feet" is exactly what you need to do to effectively place not only the person you are talking to, but YOURSELF within the DT. You cannot stop the cycle if you have no idea where either of you are.
I did exactly what you did after reading that article. I gave myself along with stbxw a SGP. I thought about it a lot and tried to justify my placements.
But, there are other things you have to consider as well. Wherever you place your stbxh is for peace of mind only. Kind of a 'default starting position' you know he will probably take once a conflict starts.
Other than that, thinking too much of it will serve you no good purpose because then you will start to 'justify' there behavior or fall into owning there mistakes / problems.
My stbxw is a SGP (Starting Gate Persecutor), it's her defense mechanism and her easiest way to Victim (and it ALWAYS triggered my Rescuer). I have thought of why she is one, and I know why.
Her father was a yeller, short temper and at times would chase them around the house. Now, he is a very good man, he has owned his past problems and I respect my father in law a great deal. BUT, stbxw associates any yelling or anger as CONSTANT and ALWAYS.
So many times I would get upset and automatically I was labelled as ANGRY. My discontent for how the children were behaving and my methods of parenting (although I will own the fact that at times I did go to far) were always labelled as excessive and in 1 speed. Never any leeway.
She would admit to the fact that her problems with it stemmed from her childhood. I now see her admittance was more of a projection than anything. She never really dealt with it, it was a sore wound she would wave around.
Anyways, my point of that is you cannot own his problems. Those are his own.
So when you try to apply the DT to a conflict you are having with stbxh, do not make excuses for him as to why he is in whatever stage of DT. That will serve you no purpose.
Because, it's not about him anymore. It's about you.
Lynne Forrest wrote the article I linked, but she was not the creator. These are 3 videos of her giving a small seminar on the DT.
These videos are kind of poor quality, but one day last week my kids were both taking a nap so I put them on (they are pretty short) and just put my head down on the desk and listened.
I found the videos helped put the article into perspective.
Lynne Forrest - Starting Gate Positions on Victim Triangle - YouTube Lynne Forrest - Victim Conciousness Defined - YouTube Lynne Forrest - To Believe Is To Feel and Act Accordingly - YouTube
Keep in mind, I'm no expert in this lol. I came across it last week but have embraced it immensely and I am completely open for discussion on this topic as it somewhat excites me for whatever reason.. lol.
